Opportunity & Inspiration: The Return of Audacious Living

Daily living can become monotonous. Worse, our daily life can become debilitating, lacking sources of inspiration and clouding over the opportunities of living. Breaking from the monotony cycles is necessary, even daily. However, if our monotony cycle has been running steadily, we sometimes need a hard break to shake loose our mind and open up to inspiration and opportunity once again.

Returning from such a hard break can be jarring. Our energy is actively percolating, our mind is aware, our heart is open. We find ourselves fighting the monotony cycles of nearly everyone around us. Initially, we see the opportunities and the inspirations in each experience, in each human being. We wish to open these fellow beings to living life once again. Yet, often the response is non-existent; worse, the response is to shut us down.

Having patience and understanding for others is necessary. Recall how we, ourselves, had to be brought back to life by flying to the other coast or running into the woods.

We are now the open flame of the audacity of active being. We don’t have to open others up similarly, and we can certainly understand the veils draping across the life of others.

It is traumatic to have someone else lift that veil. Letting go of the opportunities and inspiration of others is difficult. It is necessary to keep our audacity flame alive in our daily life, and, keeping that flame lit is crucial for allowing others to lift their own monotony veil on their own terms, not ours.

Our audacity of living flame has always been lit.
The audacity of living flame is alive in everyone.
Conditions and people have no effect on the flame itself.
Only our own mind can obscure the brilliant, inspiring light of living.
Only our own mind can find the opportunity and the inspiration in everyone and everything.

The Blessings of Difficulties and Disappointments

Always look forward to the solutions, not to the problems those solutions intend to solve.

When we strive to achieve anything, difficulties and disappointments should be expected. If we do not believe difficulties and disappointments will arise on our path, we will be shocked and dismayed when they do. Also, if we simply believe something is happening to us or being done to us, we become a victim of our conditions. Laying down the mantle of the victim is the first step in getting back to achieving something with this life when conditions don’t follow the course of our design.

These difficulties and disappointments are designed to happen. We set in motion the events and situations that we experience. Certainly, others can create problems for us. Others can always do this, and it should always be expected. If we do not design our actions with others in mind, we are living in a bubble of our own creation that can be popped by our simple ignorance of others. If what we want in our life is all about our own self-interest, we still cannot live in a bubble indefinitely. If what we want is about others, we certainly cannot ignore others, we must account for them in our plans.

Inflexibility is why difficulties and disappointments can be so debilitating. Inflexibility, the inability to adapt on the spot, is in the way of discovering the purpose in each difficulty and in each disappointment. Discovering the purposefulness in these moments is crucial in continuing forward, to achieving anything, especially something greater than just our own self-interests.

Regardless of the difficulty or the disappointment, we, individually, have the superior role, and we are the superior source of that turmoil. This role and responsibility we hold may not be easy or comfortable to embrace initially. However, we can certainly agree the ultimate bearer of the difficulties and disappointments we experience is our own self. If we’re going to return to work, return to the role of achiever, we must at least embrace the role of the bearer as well.

It is important to realize the goals behind embracing this role. It is not about simple pain and suffering because we deserve it, because we do not. We are learning how to take care of our own self and our own path. Thorough exploration of the source of our life experiences, which is our own self, must start there as well.

Perhaps, our observations were mistaken or not complete.
Perhaps, our actions were not precise or thought through.
Perhaps, our feelings were ignored or were overwhelming.
Perhaps, our intentions were not clear or were not realistic.

This is where to begin that exploration. Be curious about life. This is how we learn, how we adapt and how we achieve better.

We must expect difficulty.
We must expect disappointment.
We must expand our awareness.
We must adapt and continue to strive to achieve.

It is possible to go further than just a simple expectation that conditions will not always follow our design. When we use our explorative mind in all moments, difficulties and disappointments can become fuel for our efforts. These are not negative aspects of living and doing. These are productive aspects of learning and adapting. These are blessings; we need only expand our awareness to see them as such.

New Year's Motivation

It was just as 2011's last day begun that I sat, the most inspired in my entire existence.
It is now that I set out to change the world.

Regardless of intention or action, thought or feeling, I change the world simply by breathing.

Imagine infusing that vital breath with intention for the well being of all and the action of our best efforts.
We can learn on our shared journey.

All our thoughts and feelings can be focused toward the good will and well being of all.
We can grow on our shared journey.

We all change the world.
Give that change impetus.
Give it momentum.
Give it your life.

Finding Strength Within Emotional Intensity, Part Two

The intensity of some emotional experiences can be uplifting or utterly debilitating. Learning how to chart the intensity zones within garners true strength toward living, propelling and motivating us forward.

• Beginning to Let Go of Emotional Reactivity

The exploration and embrace of our emotional system is a dynamic experience. This experience evolves as our emotional intelligence evolves. It is our reactivity to the intensity of our emotions that is most difficult to let go. Reactivity is a defense mechanism to push back on this input stream, to shut it down.

In striving to shut down that internal defensive process, patience is essential. This is similar to climbing out of the hole we dug for ourselves. We went into that hole for a reason or a set of reasons. Part of climbing out of that hole is contemplating what led us into it, what kept us inside of it and what comfort and security we receive while staying in that hole.

We must understand that wherever we find ourselves, it is okay. We don’t have to hide from where we are. It is that hiding from our reality that keeps us in our hole. We may not feel comfortable or secure in that dark place inside of us, but the comfort and security is there.

It’s the comfort from no exertion, from no risk. It’s the security of not letting this beautiful spirit and loving heart out into the world, to touch and heal all we encounter. It’s the heartfelt wish for all others to be free from pain, to be free from suffering.

Staying in that hole has kept us from putting action and intention toward that goal. It is the pain of the realization of our inattention in this pursuit that is extremely intense and difficult to embrace. We must feel that pain, completely. It’s a pain that all of us share. Pushing that pain away pushed us into our hole, keeping us from living for a better life, a better community and a better world.

If we had been active in this intent throughout this life, the world would be a much different place.
We don’t have to deny the world any longer.
We don’t have to deny ourselves any longer.

Follow this series.Finding Strength Within Emotional Intensity, Part One

The Responsibility in Not

“I may have lost a month, but I do not have to lose another.”
Taking responsibility can be helpful, destructive or meaningless. Intentions and actions are critical fuels for taking responsibility. Often, we consider only actions with regard to our responsibilities in life. The role of inaction in our lives and the lives of others in our community takes a far greater toll and is a far heavier weight than most realize.

It is through inaction that abusive situations are allowed to fester and infect the community. It is through inaction that beneficial energies are never collected and spread to those in need. It is through inaction that distances us from doing anything with this extraordinary opportunity called life and living.

Truly, the worthiness of life is dictated by what we do not choose to do. Our capacity and worth are limitless qualities. The only limits we place on that capacity are self-constructed. By not doing anything, we save ourselves from culpability by others. This does not save us from the responsibility from doing nothing; it only saves us from risking what we have, risking the comfortable conditions we may feel we must have and risking being mistaken or seen as not perfect.

Any bit of comfort and security we enjoy are illusory. None of it is substantial or lasting. Resting in this state creates a logjam in the river of potential and possibility. The comfort and security we so wish to hold onto with all that we do and don’t do makes freedom and joy less likely to develop, and not only just for ourselves but for others as well.

Risk and responsibility are connected.

It is a risk to explore what stymies me.
It is a risk to do so with open heart and open mind.
It is a risk to let go of not doing anything.
It is my responsibility to see this through.

Remaining Without

The struggle, nearly over.
Letting go of the struggle, just begun.
Where do we go, what do we do?
What is it that must be done?
Letting go of our being, off in the distance.
That is where and what without remaining.

We are battling back. Thrilled with rolling into the season of our fall.

The Internal Waters of Thinking of You

We all think about others. There are countless impressions we have when we think of people and things. These impressions are a heterogeneous mixture of mental images and emotional sensations with bits of memory and stage direction scattered and connected throughout. It’s a big mash up made entirely by our mind.

If we let go of the bits of memory and dismantle the stage directives, it frees up that mental/emotional framework for exploration. It is all the holding on and having it our way activities that block joy and happiness that are in that mash of stuff called our life. Clearing and halting all of those activities present many obstacles, but in each obstacle is an extraordinary opportunity, the opportunity to do something entirely different.

Each obstacle we encounter is mostly of our own creation. Whatever it is that we’re feeling and thinking at this moment comes about naturally. It falls apart naturally as well. What clouds and muddles this process is our memories of before and our hopes and fears moving forward.

We rarely achieve a clear view of our present thoughts and emotions in the moment. In fact, it can be extremely overwhelming to begin to explore either, especially considering the longevity of our ignorance of this inner universe. This is why patience is a cornerstone to progress toward a new way. These uncharted waters have been with us in every moment of our existence. What we have done and not done have accumulated much in these uncharted internal waters for at least our entire life.

Consider the oceans at large we were born into, namely our families, our communities, our country and our world: the accumulated bits of everything and everybody that have been since when. Almost everything that is here and now has been here for a very long time. From this world of stagnation, opportunity for liberation is plentiful, even omnipresent. If we can unclutter the mental and emotional reservoirs, we can begin the journey of reunification.

For the majority of our lives, we have felt set apart from all that we see and experience. Plentiful have been the moments where separation seemed clear and apparent. Rarely, have we thoroughly challenged that clear and apparent nature of life, that somehow we’re separated from all else. Considering the constant flux of matter and energy into and out of this body and this mind, how could we ever have believed we were separate and somehow singled out from the rest?

Letting go of memory isn’t forgetting the past; it is letting go of our limited version of it. Our mistakenness of our real nature has poisoned our well of memories. We must release these memories from the consistent control we wish to wield on others as well as our self.

All of our machinations of tomorrow must be released. All that makes up tomorrow is present here and now. As much as we do not desire external control, we must not direct control outward. These machinations are movies and stories we contrive.

Constantly, we are holding casting calls, building and deconstructing stages and set designs. Our plans for the future are both elaborate and subtle in the ways we seek to control others and the conditions we find ourselves within today.

Search your thoughts. Search your feelings.

Are the people you think and feel about real or imagined? Certainly, people are living lives all over this planet. But are the thoughts and feelings about these actual people accurate and reflective of the life that each has led? Just like us, each person has their own sets of thoughts and feelings. Are those sets of sensations in our thoughts and feelings about those people, or do we just have impressions of people, impressions that are not based in reality whatsoever?

Challenge your thoughts. Challenge your feelings.

These thoughts and feelings ebb and flow, come about and fall apart continuously, one after another after another. With minimal challenging, we can discover the true nature of both. Thoughts and feelings come out of our mind like a natural spring.

Imagine if we let that natural spring flow free.

Changing the Observer into the Observed

The mind lives through the brain and the body through the sensory apparatus and consciousness. The mind is not just a physical object that can be cut out and dissected. It spans outside of the physical body through the sensory organs and the consciousness using the body to manipulate, re-orient and alter the surrounding physical world.

Mostly, we apply minimal effort to the examination of how our mind and body interact with each other and our world. Our curiosity of the inner universe should be nurtured, as it is this inner universe that directly engages with our connection to the whole that is the universe. If we open ourselves to the real connection that exists between us and everything else, we embark on a journey that seeks to cut through the illusion-centered existence that clouds our judgment and muddles our involvement.

Ignoring the realm most accessible to us anywhere and anytime and in any conditions is an option for us all. Despite ignorance of this internal realm, it is always there. Our mind was developed to explore. If we do not take ownership over the mind’s exploration, this is where the subconscious is allowed to reign. We can rejoin with our subconscious by exploring it. The way to explore it is to turn the mind on itself and observe the ultimate observer.

The option is always there. We can continue to choose to take this option lightly. Imagine what would be possible if we take that option seriously. We could begin unraveling the causes and the effects in our lives. We don’t even need to devote the entire day to this exploration. We could just try this for a moment, even less than a minute. Our day deserves at least that much.

Effort, From Rubble to Rubble

Effort is a curious enterprise. It involves the combining of body and mind with external and internal resources to achieve something beyond the individual components alone. Effort is at the core of what it is to be human. We have the mind to use our body to manifest immediate and long-term changes in our lives and in our environments.

All effort and all outcomes, however, cannot be kept or stored in any way. To attempt to hold onto any effort or any outcome is a common misstep. This desire to hold on is a supreme source of pain and suffering in our lives. As long as this desire to hold on remains, we create pain and we create suffering. We sabotage all that we do, and we limit what is possible.

Effort can produce a pile of rubble to a spiking skyscraper. The timing and methods used in its construction are critical in reaching the highest of outcomes. A skyscraper will become a pile of rubble and can do so by many means. Actually, the skyscraper is already made up of a pile of rubble, it just isn’t obvious. Poor construction, malicious acts and unwitting accidents can quicken the pace toward this rubblehood. Natural means will eventually do away with all these things, including all skyscrapers.

Due to the rubble nature of all things, from obvious rubble to skyscraper-looking rubble, we must learn to let go of our effort and unleash it upon our day. Give this effort freely as effort is infinitely replenishable.

In observing others as well as myself, I’ve discovered the grasping nature of effort in modern day society. Effort has become very self-fulfilling, and the results of that effort seem to be absolutely unfulfilling for everyone. The excruciating results of self-fulfilling efforts can be witnessed everywhere, simply observe others with understanding and compassion.

If we are attached to the results of our effort, and, only act when we can hold onto those results, every action and every thought of action weighs us down considerably. Our mental activity becomes one of determining who and what is worthy of our effort. Attempting to determine winners and losers in all that we do limits not only our capacity to act but the quality of the results.

These mental gymnastics wear down the mind and the body. Any action we do take becomes unfocused; every observation we do make becomes distracted. Another option does exist. We can exert effort freely with no thought of keeping that effort to our self. In the very next moment, we can make effort again. Our body and our mind can continuously regenerate effort and action.

Yes, the body’s capacity changes, but so can our effort. Broken bones and disabilities do not end our ability to apply effort. In fact, these challenges help to focus that effort with expert precision. Certainly, we can see disabilities as limitations or as our tore down body-mind skyscraper, but we can see them as something quite different. We can see them as opportunities to discover other internal resources and capacities to build something altogether better, and not for our own self-interest, but for the interests of others.

Fear and Loneliness, In a Crowded Space

We’ve experienced this, congregating with good intent, for right purpose.

We feel good, we feel sufficiently congregrated.

Yet, there’s this guttural undertone. We feel alien. We feel alone. We feel scared. We’re in a crowded space.

Reaching out is nearly automatic. Reaching out invokes response.

Initially, we reach out to those physically nearest us. We feel a connection to this moment we describe and experience. Yet, the response hits the rocks that comprise our self.

Questions, concerns, fears take over.

What are these people after? Is this some personal joke, where we’re the punch line?

Are they just working out some past personal travesty on us? Simply, checking some box to feel better about who and what they are? Which and why they have done what they have done?

Not dissuaded by the falling so short of initial response, we begin expanding our reaching out beyond the immediate physical space that feels so crowded. This seems much like writhing in a desert and imagining water. Can any good come from it?

What possible relief is so not here that we must conjure it up with our mind? And, this conjured vision of relief is elsewhere, not here. Are our hopes that distant from the reality we appear to occupy?

Maybe, our hopes and our reality are neither.

It appears obvious; our immediate attempts at immediate relief will not be answered. Our secondary attempts at relief will not be answered. Not because the answers are not there, but because of where we seek those answers, from others.

As long as we look for salvation and relief from outside of us, we will absolutely fail at both. The way we feel is internal junk and not fired up by some external source. Any change of how we feel must originate internally, not from some external salvation. Any change of how we think begins with our mind and ends with what we do with it.

We fear what we feel we cannot affect in this life. We feel alone when we feel we cannot affect others in any productive way, one-on-one or in some crowded space.

Both the fear and the loneliness are apparitions. Both are an illusion we create to not act and to feel frozen in inaction.

Our intention, good, has been allowed to become clouded by the ideas of tomorrow and the failures of yesterday.

Both the hopes and the fears live in this day. Neither are standalone.

Both hope and fear drag life into the emotional gutter, the mind locking the door on the way down.

Neither hope nor fear can provide any relief for any one.

Hopes and fears are synonymous. Let go of both now. Live now.

Relax and Relieve, Shed and Open

As I relax, my body relaxes.

Tears Shed.
Our Grip Begins to Loosen.
The Universe Begins to Open.

My body is a physical form in a constant state of change. It is not a form, though; it is an attempt to hold matter and energy together, connected autonomously.

Tears Shed.
Our Grip Loosens Further.
The Universe Opens.

When I consider allowing someone to use their hands and their intention on my body in a loving, healing way, we just cannot comprehend how anyone ever would.

Tears Shed.
Our Grip Loosens Further.
The Universe Opens.

How could anyone love this, want good for this? How could anyone wish any relief for me?

Tears Shed.
Our Grip Loosens Further.
The Universe Opens.

How could I ever accept what I cannot understand?

Tears Shed.
Our Grip Loosens Further.
The Universe Opens.

Keep Trying.
Attempt Understanding Always.
Loosen Your Grip.
Shed Your Tears.
Open Yourself Up.
Rediscover Your Universe.

Consider This: The House of Up and Down

Most of our lives involve ups followed by downs. This is so familiar because it’s nearly ubiquitous our entire life. It seems as if some are able to break this cycle while others never challenge it. Most of us ride in the middle somewhere, challenging the cycle periodically, and falling back into it casually.

The ease with which we set up shop in the house of up and down is terrifying. Considering the impact on our personal evolution, this house needs to not only be left behind, but be completely obliterated from our lives.

Decisions in Context

Making decisions is a critical part of our lives. Our role as decision-maker affects our existence as well as the existence of everyone else, if we’re aware of it or not.

Mostly, the decisions we make are fairly simple, like what to eat and where to go. At times, we feel compelled to make a difficult decision with predictable, direct and immediate consequences. When we make those difficult decisions, we should avoid resisting those results.

This is similar to eating something we know is going to have a physiological cost, and instead of just enjoying it, we fret about the unfortunate side of the equation. It makes no sense.

In the aftermath of these decisive moments, we should avoid resistance to what we opted for through making a tough but necessary call. If we’re focused on the pain and suffering of what we opted for, we cannot freely experience joy. We also leave ourselves ill-prepared for the potential and probable slate of unintended consequences to difficult action.

Resisting consequences extends the damage and the longevity of these in our daily life. Also, it leaves us ill-prepared for the potential and probable slate of unintended consequences to the initial action.

Do not allow the slew of ramifications to dissuade us from action. The consequences of the acquiescence of inaction have its own slate of pain and suffering, continuation of the status quo.

Answers to You: The Human Resistance Factor

One must be careful not to impose one's own interpretations on others. The arrogance of believing that others want to adopt or adapt to an individual's different philosophy is common. Sometimes one must allow others their space, their views, and their choices of how they wish to think...even if it is different from your own.

ar·ro·gance   
offensive display of superiority or self-importance; overbearing pride.
o•ver•bear•ing
1. domineering; dictatorial; haughtily or rudely arrogant.
2. of overwhelming or critical importance.

From dictionary.com

What about the philosophy and the perspective I offer is about imposing views on anyone? If anything, it’s about opening up to “Alternative Perspectives”, not resisting opposing views to my own. You offer up a perfect example of “External Resistance”, which is perfectly understandable why you push back as hard as you do. I feel that you’re pushing against yourself; I could be mistaken. Instead of opening up, you’re shutting down. Once again, it’s very understandable and I’m okay with it.

Arrogance is a curious word to throw around, especially from the supposed target of arrogance. If anything, the arrogance you bring up is actually the other way around, from you at me. And, I don’t say that with any seriousness, but to expose the use of a word that is meant to silence someone instead of opening up to them.

These “power words” are words of intimidation and are very plentiful in today’s society. People paint someone or a cause as a radical, as arrogant, as un-American, as closed-minded (there are many examples) with the sole purpose of shutting them down and winning people to your own side. I’m not on your side or my side; I’m not on any side. The sides you see so clearly are of your own creation.

I’ve discovered that when you don’t get dissuaded by these intimidation tactics, the negativity doesn’t diminish but intensifies to a crescendo. To me this seems like progress. It’s an opportunity to let go of these ideas that others are somehow superior to you or more important than you are. Once again, I’m not telling you what to do, only offering a different path.

I have no feelings of superiority or self-importance to anyone. Simply because you say that I do, does not mean that I do. This is another tactic that people use to try to get a negative reaction to use against the target now and in the future. These are so engrained into our psyche we believe it when we say it and defend the initial assumption furiously.

Rarely, do people let go instead of allowing someone to do something different today or tomorrow. We attempt to conjure up these negative feelings in others in order to keep people away, to give us an excuse to not attempt to think differently, to not do a good thing today. I have and still do these same tactics, but I’m making progress on eliminating them and other emotion-based reactions from myself.

I understand the fear because I’m walking through that fear every single day. There’s ample evidence to fall back to old tactics, but those tactics don’t serve the purpose of the ridding of ignorance from my life. Instead, those tactics pile on the ignorance. I’m opening up, not shutting down.

Being open to a different idea doesn’t mean you accept it completely or at all. You don’t ever have to be open to something different. That is all up to you, and I would not take that choice away from anyone.

Instead of dissecting or discussing the ideas I present, you attack my character because you think all of this is about me. It simply isn’t the case. In fact, the entire context of the article is about letting go of the self, not lifting the self to high-esteem. Even if what I write is all about me, why make it about me? Wouldn’t that compound the problem instead of highlighting the fallacious thinking?

I appreciate the honest emotion and feeling behind your response. I want people to respond honestly and openly as you have done. It’s an opportunity for me to further open up, and that is my goal here. I would hope for anyone to dialogue and discuss what’s written here, and not just intellectually. It is so important to dialogue about the emotional and spiritual response you feel in whatever you do.

Keep it up!

The Human Resistance Factor

Resistance is a human phenomenon derived from a natural survival instinct. Now, this human resistance factor mostly acts against our inner well-being; inner well-being exists regardless of any conditions, externally or internally. We’ve still been fighting, not for the survival of our life but for the survival of the self.

This fight is what we must let go. It is this fight that denies us inner contentment, peace and spontaneous joy. These are always with us in every moment; we need only let go to connect completely to this natural state.

There are many areas affected by our human resistance factor. We resist change, consequences, alternative perspectives and certain stimuli. Dissecting the effect of these areas of resistance is ongoing. Also, we begin a conversation on explorative resistance as it relates to not just ourselves but others as well.

Change

Change is all around us and inside of us. Change is constant, whether we’re aware of it or not. It’s our resistance to natural change that can completely obstruct us from enjoying this moment. Think of all the times and all the people that resist against the change inherent in the weather. There are occasions when weather does intersect with our survival; these occasions are rare, extreme and usually quite obvious. We do have a long-term impact on the weather, but in this moment we have minimal if any effect on current weather. To make weather an obstacle to joy, peace and contentment, then, is a self-induced situation. Only we can rid ourselves of that obstacle by realizing we’re not going to have it our way.

Beyond the external changes, the changes inside of us should not be ignored. We should not resist the day-to-day changes that are inherently part of daily maintenance and aging of the body. Here, the notable changes are trends and not the details of the changing current state. Aches and pains are normal; fluctuating bodily functions are normal. Resisting these normal states actively with external methods can create a multitude of consequences, some predictable, some much more subtle.

Sometimes, medical intervention is necessary. When we decide on a medical intervention, we should not resist against the side effects of the intervention. Instead, we could make those side effects work for us, not against us.

Consequences

Resisting consequences extends the damage and the longevity of those consequences in our daily life. Also, it leaves us ill-prepared for the potential and probable slate of unintended consequences to the initial action. Consider that we’ve made a tough but necessary call and now we’re focused on the pain and suffering that decision exposes us to. In the aftermath of these decisive moments, we should avoid resisting any consequences. If we are not open to the consequences, we cannot completely catalog these.

We are resistant to not only consequences of our own decisions, but to the natural consequences of living in a changing world. A tornado creates amazing devastation. We don’t just leave the devastation; we perform salvage operations to extract what still has use and clear away what no longer does. This may be emotionally or even physically difficult, but if we focus on those difficulties to natural disaster instead of actively engaging in the salvaging of the wreckage, we’re not as efficient or effective as we could be.

There are consequences to ownership and stewardship as well. A house has maintenance requirements just as a car does. By being resistant to these concerns, usually the consequences grow more severe.

Don’t ignore consequences; work with consequences. We determine how we navigate all of the consequences in our life. Learning to work with what’s going on is so critical to making life work with us as opposed to against us.

Certain Stimuli

We all have blind spots in our intake of sensory information. Physical limitations do exist in our sensory apparatus; total loss or limitations may exist in hearing, taste, touch, smell and sight. Other limitations do exist. These limitations are self-imposed blind spots and can be evidence of the unwillingness to let go. It’s as if we’re using only the rearview mirror in navigating our vehicle. The vehicle, here, is not just our body but our entire life. It sometimes works out, but when it doesn’t the damage can be severe.

Besides the obvious physical sensory information, we sometimes are blind to emotional cues from others and of ourselves. We try to overwhelm these emotional cues with distraction, overstimulation and ignorance. We can use distraction to avoid awkward discussions, emotional topics or controversial debates. Overstimulation is used to silence anyone or anything else. And, when someone brings about empathy or a guttural emotional reaction, one option is to ignore it completely. Instead of simply listening to every word, we offer nothing productive whatsoever.

We also have blind spots to our own emotional cues. This is similar to when we place our hand on a scalding hot stove and not reacting immediately by removing our hand; it makes no sense. Emotions act similarly as the nerve endings in your hand; emotions are trying to tell us something about what’s happening. We must begin to become aware of our emotions and attempt to understand what it is these emotions are trying to tell us.

Alternate Perspectives

We also resist against alternative perspectives to our immediate and past circumstance. This is due to our self-limiting view of reality. The more perspective we can apply to a situation, the more effective and efficient our response. We want to use telescopes and microscopes as well as our own senses. When and how you examine something depends on what it is being examined. When examining the moon, we use microscopes to examine lunar rocks brought back to earth and use telescopes to examine the actual moon orbiting the Earth. We want to use the most effective perspectives for the current situation.

Perspective isn’t just about the method of examination. Sometimes, it’s the broader timeline that’s important not to forget. It’s like eliminating a person from your life without looking at the bigger picture. Maybe, this person is in the midst of a crisis, internal or external. If we refuse to look beyond this moment, we can begin eliminating people from our life because of one unfortunate moment brought about by a series of circumstances and situations. Once again, trends are more important than exacting the response or the action that we feel we need from someone right now.

Explorative and External Resistance

Explorative resistance can have a productive and probative value, especially if this resistance is against your own self and your own view. Here we discover the fine line in resistance. Mostly, the resistance to change, to consequences, to stimuli and to alternative perspectives is an internal resistant problem to external events. Resistance plays a critical role in the transformation of life. The key is to not attach value judgements to that explorative action and to avoid the pitfalls of guilt and shame.

We also must be careful in explorative resistance to other people’s situations. These other people may not be open to doing anything differently in their lives. This doesn’t mean not to use explorative engagement as an attempt to alleviate current pain and suffering of others.

We must be prepared, however, for the inevitable resistance by anyone, including ourselves, as we attempt to help or actively understand ourselves and others. We must be prepared of the natural human resistance to transformation. After all, it is human to resist.

Moving Away from Emotion-Based Tactics

It has become engrained behavior to use emotion-based tactics to help others but more often hurt others. Emotion-based reactions are the simplest to extract from human interaction; we use trigger words or make an action that provokes an emotional response. We are emotional beings who mostly have not explored nor challenged all of our emotional states. That is why these tactics are nearly as successful as they are useful.

People resort to emotion-based tactics when threatened mentally. These tactics often involve the invoking of shame, guilt or anger in the target as opposed to the alternative of opening or broadening personal views.

We all have the urge to hold onto our view instead of adapting or evolving understanding. This is the urge to ignore regardless of evidence to the contrary. Opposing or alien views to our own are not the enemy. When we try to invoke negative and non-productive emotions in others, we, ourselves, are shutting down. We also shut down the target of the tactic simultaneously. We both suffer.

The same can be said of trying to invoke positive and more productive emotions in others. Even though these objectives seem to be done in good will, they are a more seductive form of manipulation. If we’re doing something for someone or reaching out to them, oftentimes we expect them to accept all of it so openly and with relative ease. When people are in need, they’re at their most vulnerable; they’re already shutdown.

When we do something we think is helpful for others, we should just do it without any expectation of them accepting it or “getting it”, ever. Otherwise, we’re setting the person-in-need up for more set ‘em up ‘n tear ‘em down. These people that are in most need are usually the most shut down at the onset. The key in helping those in need is to keep reaching out without becoming the obstacle to healing.

There are other options we can choose. We can first not react emotionally to external events or people. I’m not suggesting ignoring emotions or feelings. I’m suggesting untethering your emotional state to events and others. Secondly, instead of doing things to get a response from others, let’s try to just do good things; for others, for ourselves, for our community, for our environment.

This is not easy. Have patience for yourself. We’re being very ambitious as we take steps to transform our life. This is not easy for anyone. Take a deep breath. Open yourself to another way. You can easily revert back to the old way if this doesn’t work out.

Related Ignorance Ridding Posts
The Emotional Dysregulation Concern

The Pitfalls of Bridging Disagreements

Disagreements happen whenever human beings interact. These disagreements naturally develop due to perception governing reality as opposed to reality governing perception. Sometimes, disagreements are obvious; other times disagreements are hidden to one or all parties. Bridging disagreements is a highly precarious endeavor as all people respond and perceive differently.

We must carefully examine the audience, the histories and the capacities of all involved to develop the most effective, efficient bridging action(s). Even if we consider every aspect of the disagreement and the people involved, the pitfalls in bridging these disagreements are numerous.

Rational Arguments
Using rational thinking to persuade someone of our good intentions and past good acts is a common post-disagreement step for many. However, people in a post-disagreement state of mind commonly are not rational whatsoever. Irrational people are rarely going to be swayed by rational arguments. In fact, a rational argument in this case usually strengthens the feelings of disagreement and can increase the longevity of the situation.

Withdraw/Retreat
Retreat is sometimes necessary immediately after the disagreement has taken place. However, returning quickly to normal behavior and normal treatment can be crucial to a quick bridge through and out of the disagreement. This is especially true if the other side is in full retreat. Denying your input & action is only going to intensify any retreat by the other side. Restarting the relationship with the familiarity of good intentions and in an open-ended way can remind someone of previous good acts. This can quickly bridge the gap between.
Leaving irrational, inexperienced people to figure this out on their own is like placing the inmates in charge of the asylum. The likelihood of irrational thinking becoming rational acting is like an alchemist turning iron into gold, highly unlikely.

Retaining Mindset of Being Right
Oftentimes, all a person need do to bridge a disagreement is a simple acknowledgement of how our inept action led to real or perceived harm. Regardless of our intention, sometimes the party our actions are directed at cannot accept those actions. In fact, the other person might be reacting to internal fears of being mistaken and not the concern or the good will being shown. In repairing the relationship, we must not get caught up in being right or being seen as correct. If apologizing is all the person requires to let go of their own fear or their own role in the disagreement, how could we not offer that without reservation? The goal is to bridge the disagreement, not to be right.

The outcomes can be potentially disastrous when we let others’ actions dictate our involvement. Certainly, we must remain open throughout this process, as conditions can change quickly. Avoiding these common pitfalls is a constant struggle in navigating the difficult circumstances of disagreement. If we continue forward with the relationship, remaining focused on our good intention and remaining open-ended in that intention, we will persevere. We need only be on both sides to do so.

Trudging Through Uncertain Lives

Our lives are constantly changing. Since our birth, we've been taking in and leaving behind in order to grow and change. Events happen to us and to our environment; we also directly affect our reactions and our environment.

Some people have a direct, hands-on experience of life's uncertainty. We can attempt to find certainty anywhere and fail every time. When we consider anything in our life to be a constant, we set ourselves up for certain disappointment. We've allowed ourselves to become distracted by myths and fantasy and anything but the here and now. This distraction leads to missed opportunities as well as a diminished awareness of current threats.

Imagine you're on a sinking ship. If you're focused on making sure you have an anchor onboard instead of stopping the ship from sinking, you're missing the real threat and not looking for real solutions to that threat.

We're used to looking for that anchor anywhere in our lives and our environment; there's always a reason to not do something. That's what that anchor is, any reason to not focus on right now. Perhaps, this moment right now is completely overwhelming, and the mind is attempting to focus on anything else so we don't feel the truth and the emotional weight of this moment's uncertainty.

Yes, it's scary, but it's the reality of every moment. We need to feel that fear so we can trudge through the uncertainty. Despite any evidence to the contrary, we've been trudging through uncertainty since we've been born. Now is no different; it's just more apparent.

In crisis, if we're focused on anything but this moment, we will not make choices from the highest level of awareness. This lack of awareness will make our choices dull and ineffective instead of sharp and focused.

Raise the bar of your awareness, raise the bar of your effectiveness.

Dissecting Loneliness, Exposing Love

I feel scared when I find myself wanting interaction but not wishing to inject myself into a situation to create that interaction. We find ourselves confused, disoriented at times in these situations. When we feel in this way, we dissect the confusion and clear away our unhealthy attachments, exposing the real love that lie beneath that attachment.

When you love someone, truly love someone, you're willing to let go of anything, including that someone, and all for that person's own benefit. The love persists, as you wish only happiness and joy; the good feeling persists, yet we know we must walk away and not insist on anything more or less.

This leaves us to fend for our own emotional selves. It is our emotions, after all, that are at the core of everything we feel, not at the love we have for others. No one can make us feel anything.

Yet, we feel alone at times; always to be the lone voice of reason, always to be and do better than we feel we really are. In those less than moments, we need to listen to our own voice of reason and we need to do the better thing for ourselves. That's how we take care of our loneliness, by taking care of ourselves.

The love we feel for people never wavers if it is true love. True love has nothing to do with what happens to us and for us. Love is about the genuine wish for someone to be happy and to experience joy. We deserve those for ourself as well; only we can deliver those into our daily life.

Crucial Certainty

Being certain in what we are doing, thinking and feeling can be a crucial part of a successful existence. Certainty has nothing to do with right, wrong, correct or incorrect. It is a vessel in the pursuit of figuring out how to interact directly with your day, your life and your community in a real, substantive way. Without certainty, our actions are less than wholehearted, our thoughts are muddled and lax and our feelings are confused and disjointed from reality.

Some people begin with thoughts and feelings and then act; others do not think or feel anything about what they're doing before, during or after acting. Both strategies can have mixed results, making it difficult to ascertain the direct line of cause and effect. This can lead to confusion about how to become more effecient and increasingly effective in one's daily life.

When we use certainty at the front end of a situation and act on a gut level, we're using our minds and hearts in unison. The causes here are immediately accessible. Then, we can use our mental resources to collect raw data without being muddled with any feelings attached to the predicted results. This data then adds to our experience which will alter our gut level response in any similar situation.

This method also allows us to have a fresh emotional response to the results and how those results were produced. Sometimes, we all have managed to get what we want and not felt good about it at all. Other times, what we did to get the result we desired weighs us down, even if what we received or what happened was worthwhile in the end. These feelings alter that gut level response in future similar situations.

The key in certainty is to not allow ourselves to get attached to the results we want to see in anything we do. We need to always act with the assurance that we're going to do the best we are able to do now and ensure that the next set of decisions and situations are affected by what we do now. The only way to effectively do that is to let go of what we want to happen, explore the entire reality of the outcomes of what did take place and be as certain in the moment called right now.