The Power from the Seat of Frustration

“All the good that we’ve done can be wiped away by one angry word.”

Interacting with others, especially those we touch and that touch us personally in our daily lives, offers countless opportunities for frustration. Within these frustrated moments, we often respond with anger, criticism and discouragement. That anger, criticism and discouragement then gets transmitted to others and eventually back to ourselves. Finding the presence of mind to shut down that nearly automatic response system is extremely difficult but is absolutely possible.

We all affect people, through our words, through our actions, through our intentions. Having a more thorough understanding and appreciation of how these words, actions and intentions affect others is crucial. All that we say, do and think comes back to us eventually. Therefore, any attempts to affect our reactivity from the seat of frustration can have a dramatic, immediate impact on daily life.

Frustration is natural.

Frustration is created by our attachment to having it our way in a world that involves others wanting it their way. This creates a dynamic cycle that recirculates and intensifies frustration and our reaction to frustration continuously. If we alter our reaction from the seat of frustration, we can begin to shut down this cycle within us and others.

Frustration can be explored.

The best way to alter our reaction to our frustration is through thorough exploration of it. It is not imperative for us to act immediately to simple frustration. Instead, we can take a moment to be curious about how it was generated. If we focus our mind on it, we can more clearly see our role in our frustration and clarify the role of others as well. This clear seeing and clarification will aid in finding words of encouragement as opposed to discouragement.

Frustration is our own.

The way we think and feel is our own. Just because someone is doing something or we perceive is doing something to us, does not mean this someone is injecting this feeling of frustration into us. This does not mean that others have no role in shining a light on our frustration, but it does mean that it is our frustration to manage. Potentially, we can redirect this frustration in a more beneficial way as opposed to only detrimental.

Make that which you touch be the best in others.

How often has someone said an unkind or critical word to us that inspired us to be and do better? Remember that truth when interacting with the objects of our frustration. We need to inspire the best in others, not shut the best down. Inspiring the best in others involves having patience, generating compassion and finding understanding.

Make that which you touch in others be the common humanity we share.

We all are part of humanity. We all play a role in the lives of others. We all experience pain and suffering. We all can experience joy and happiness. No one arrived at today all on their own. So many people have affected us and will affect us moving forward. We will affect others today. If we consider how best to affect others, we will bring out the best in them and in our self.

Make our response not add to the pain and suffering of us all.

It is rare that people deliberately, maliciously upset others. If there is intention to upset, this person is hurt and damaged and needs compassion and understanding, not more pain, not more suffering. It is not easy when we feel hurt to not retaliate immediately. If we do, it is understandable.

It should be understandable that others will retaliate similarly. If one of your limbs becomes injured, you don’t chastise or punish the limb, you give it proper care and attention. The same should be given to the injured amongst us.

Frustration is truly fertile territory. People that expose our frustration have blessed us. It is from the seat of frustration that we either inspire others or we tear others down. It is from the seat of frustration that we can bring out the best in our self and in others.
Who is going to be the first person to do the better thing today?

The Blessings of Difficulties and Disappointments

Always look forward to the solutions, not to the problems those solutions intend to solve.

When we strive to achieve anything, difficulties and disappointments should be expected. If we do not believe difficulties and disappointments will arise on our path, we will be shocked and dismayed when they do. Also, if we simply believe something is happening to us or being done to us, we become a victim of our conditions. Laying down the mantle of the victim is the first step in getting back to achieving something with this life when conditions don’t follow the course of our design.

These difficulties and disappointments are designed to happen. We set in motion the events and situations that we experience. Certainly, others can create problems for us. Others can always do this, and it should always be expected. If we do not design our actions with others in mind, we are living in a bubble of our own creation that can be popped by our simple ignorance of others. If what we want in our life is all about our own self-interest, we still cannot live in a bubble indefinitely. If what we want is about others, we certainly cannot ignore others, we must account for them in our plans.

Inflexibility is why difficulties and disappointments can be so debilitating. Inflexibility, the inability to adapt on the spot, is in the way of discovering the purpose in each difficulty and in each disappointment. Discovering the purposefulness in these moments is crucial in continuing forward, to achieving anything, especially something greater than just our own self-interests.

Regardless of the difficulty or the disappointment, we, individually, have the superior role, and we are the superior source of that turmoil. This role and responsibility we hold may not be easy or comfortable to embrace initially. However, we can certainly agree the ultimate bearer of the difficulties and disappointments we experience is our own self. If we’re going to return to work, return to the role of achiever, we must at least embrace the role of the bearer as well.

It is important to realize the goals behind embracing this role. It is not about simple pain and suffering because we deserve it, because we do not. We are learning how to take care of our own self and our own path. Thorough exploration of the source of our life experiences, which is our own self, must start there as well.

Perhaps, our observations were mistaken or not complete.
Perhaps, our actions were not precise or thought through.
Perhaps, our feelings were ignored or were overwhelming.
Perhaps, our intentions were not clear or were not realistic.

This is where to begin that exploration. Be curious about life. This is how we learn, how we adapt and how we achieve better.

We must expect difficulty.
We must expect disappointment.
We must expand our awareness.
We must adapt and continue to strive to achieve.

It is possible to go further than just a simple expectation that conditions will not always follow our design. When we use our explorative mind in all moments, difficulties and disappointments can become fuel for our efforts. These are not negative aspects of living and doing. These are productive aspects of learning and adapting. These are blessings; we need only expand our awareness to see them as such.

Finding Strength Within Emotional Intensity, Part Two

The intensity of some emotional experiences can be uplifting or utterly debilitating. Learning how to chart the intensity zones within garners true strength toward living, propelling and motivating us forward.

• Beginning to Let Go of Emotional Reactivity

The exploration and embrace of our emotional system is a dynamic experience. This experience evolves as our emotional intelligence evolves. It is our reactivity to the intensity of our emotions that is most difficult to let go. Reactivity is a defense mechanism to push back on this input stream, to shut it down.

In striving to shut down that internal defensive process, patience is essential. This is similar to climbing out of the hole we dug for ourselves. We went into that hole for a reason or a set of reasons. Part of climbing out of that hole is contemplating what led us into it, what kept us inside of it and what comfort and security we receive while staying in that hole.

We must understand that wherever we find ourselves, it is okay. We don’t have to hide from where we are. It is that hiding from our reality that keeps us in our hole. We may not feel comfortable or secure in that dark place inside of us, but the comfort and security is there.

It’s the comfort from no exertion, from no risk. It’s the security of not letting this beautiful spirit and loving heart out into the world, to touch and heal all we encounter. It’s the heartfelt wish for all others to be free from pain, to be free from suffering.

Staying in that hole has kept us from putting action and intention toward that goal. It is the pain of the realization of our inattention in this pursuit that is extremely intense and difficult to embrace. We must feel that pain, completely. It’s a pain that all of us share. Pushing that pain away pushed us into our hole, keeping us from living for a better life, a better community and a better world.

If we had been active in this intent throughout this life, the world would be a much different place.
We don’t have to deny the world any longer.
We don’t have to deny ourselves any longer.

Follow this series.Finding Strength Within Emotional Intensity, Part One

Finding Strength Within Emotional Intensity, Part One

The exploration of our mind is a vibrant journey.
There are many paths that we discover on that journey.
Emotions play a critical role on the journey within.

Emotions really are another sense. Mostly, emotions ebb and flow so easily, so quickly that if we’re not aware we lose a lot of rich data about how we live our lives.

The intensity of some emotional experiences can be uplifting or utterly debilitating. Learning how to chart the intensity zones within garners true strength toward living, propelling and motivating us forward.

• Explore and Embrace the Source of Emotions

In order to discover the strength within the intensity of our emotional experiences, we must begin to embrace the reality that these emotions cannot be injected into us by others or by circumstances. Just as the nerves from finger to brain exist regardless if we’re touching something or someone, the emotional system is there regardless if we’re feeling anything or not.

This is not something to just accept and embrace. Explore the beginnings and endings of emotions within yourself. We must have a firm grasp on this truth, otherwise we’ll constantly become distracted or weighed down by the sheer volume of emotional data we receive daily.

Mistakenness begins with assumption and survives with attachment. Challenge this idea that emotions somehow originate from others, others who somehow inject these emotions into us. If emotions came from others, we’ll always play slave to others.

When intense emotions do fire in our emotional system, it is difficult for the mind, initially, to treat these as simply sensory data. Just as many chefs over an extended period of time and experience in the kitchen become less reactive to burns and cuts, so can we become less reactive to our emotional intensity.

Embracing this rich source of data is something that will take a great deal of compassion, patience and understanding. It is only through opening awareness to these emotions that we learn what each is attempting to tell us about our life and our connection to the universe. This is the process of re-forging that connection.

The Mind as a Knife to Cloud

Our senses and our perceptions are inaccurate and imperfect. Both of these dynamic aspects of living have an amazing impact on how we approach our daily life.

Our mind is the life blood and nervous system to these senses and perceptions. Considering we are the operators of our body, it is entirely up to us how we wield our senses and shape our perceptions. Our senses select the clay; our mind selects the tools and methods to form that clay. We then can manifest a new reality.

It is entirely possible to be in a rolling meadow of flowers and butterflies and be upset about allergies and insects. It is also possible to be in this same meadow and not think of anything about anything there or anywhere. We could even be contemplating astrophysics while having a picnic on the meadow. Truly, all options are available and connected through this life through only our mind. It is up to us.

Mostly, people take little to no ownership over the mental processes that govern living. It is astoundingly easy to cede ownership and control over our life to others, to events and to conditions. On the surface our life seems all about these aspects as everything is connected. It is far easier to see and touch life outside of our bodies then consider the life inside our mind. We can think life is out there, however, life is lived through our mind alone. Ultimately, it is up to us what we see and how we see it.

Others, events and conditions can overwhelm our senses and twist our perceptions but only if we allow ourselves to become confused, disoriented and unaware. Challenging our minds to embrace this ownership of on-the-spot living is easy to do but difficult to sustain. Anyone can focus the mind with intention for a moment. Sustaining that focus through foggy mornings and stormy nights is difficult, but it is possible. It is up to us.

Anyone can take the wheel; few realize the most effective and efficient ways of navigation with that wheel, as there is no one way to do anything. Becoming the ultimate observer over the effects of our actions and intentions is the only process that has the potential to reach the ideal of effective, efficient living.

The mind is powerful. It governs this body, it focuses the senses and it acts on this life. In the midst of a storm, the mind can cut through the distractive aspects of that storm and we can navigate through it.

This is not about ignoring the storm; that could have deadly consequences. This is about engaging with the storm, learning about it, as we've engaged and learned about our self.

We’re learning how to navigate this ship called life through the turbulence of now. The turbulence is only an illusion. We can see through that illusion if we see it as such. It is up to us.

The Internal Water Cycle

Life is simple. Consciousness is an intricate overlay on that simple life.

This is a personal account I make here today. An attempt to not impale hope on the spire of personal degradation.

Much progress can be made in our daily lives. Any progress made is more often than not lost. Sustaining progress is where real transformation takes on a new life.

Meanwhile, we're lost in this internal water cycle. Progress is made, usually involving some wind and tears. This waters our grounds, allowing life to grow in many ways, some flowers, some weeds, all seeds that we plant continuously.

So, the sun comes out, and shines on what we're growing in our life. Sometimes what we then see isn't quite what we expected.

We didn't even realize we've been planting seeds throughout every day, and there's a hole in our pocket where we kept all of the seeds. This is why our life is a hit and miss mess. We must get out of this endless cycle. The only answer seems ever increasing levels of awareness.

Today,
We're not even aware our living has seeded our life.
We're not even aware of what grows from that living.
We're not even aware of how to change both.

Today,
We're making awareness a priority.
We're making awareness pivotal.
We're making awareness in everything that we do.

The Awareness in Vulnerability

We are vulnerable beings. We live; we suffer; we die. Despite these truths, it is possible to create an illusion of invulnerability, both mentally and emotionally. The creation of these illusions is the source of much of our confusion and sustains the suffering throughout our life toward our eventual death. This confusion creates a barrier to the awareness that is consistently available in every moment.

Our vulnerability is a vibrant, infinite reservoir of awareness. It provides immediate feedback. To not utilize such a rich source of data about our life and how we live it is a critical lapse in awareness. We must explore the origins of our awareness lapse; otherwise, our confusion will continue to infect everything we do.

Ownership and awareness of our vulnerability is not the cliché “succumbing to our fears.” In fact, it is through acceptance of our fears that we take the first step toward working through those fears.

Fears can be real warnings of danger. Sometimes, fears can be conjured up visions to hold us back from making real change, not only in our own life but in the lives of others. It is far easier to sit and suffer than get up and do something about it, especially when uncertain of what to do. That uncertainty originates in our unwillingness to experience our vulnerability.

We may be in a terrible situation, but it’s a situation we know well, and not all of it is so terrible. There’s at least a bit of stability within the terrible, otherwise we would not be able to survive it. Our fears and our vulnerability make leaving behind that bit of stability almost intolerable.

This is why, despite all the evidence, people stay in abusive situations. For some, the abusive situation holds the only source of stability they can ever be open to living right now. To face the vulnerability this situation presents in their life is terrifying. The intensity of that terrifying truth is too much. Instead of facing it, it’s completely blocked. It’s blocked by an unwillingness to embrace vulnerability, feel our fear and then do something about both.

Using words and phrases like vulnerability and working through fear are lovely ideas. How can we translate these words and phrases into real changes right here, right now?

This is a process, much like a natural spring we find in the desert. We need to drink from the spring often. Too often, we can become choked or engorged with water. Not enough, we become parched quickly. Patience is crucial.

Someone just turned out the lights. If we have patience, our eyes will grow accustomed to less light and we will see again. The same is true with our vulnerability. At first it can be blinding or deafening. If we sit in that vulnerability for a bit, we will be able to see and hear again.

Truly, we can each go to this natural spring within us in any moment. Maybe, it’s become barely a trickle. If we open up, it will flow free again.

We’ve been living life in an entirely different way for the majority of our life. We can always go back to that state of normalcy, and we probably all will when we walk away from this moment. What’s the real risk in attempting something different for just a bit? That’s where you start.

In-between the Bookends

The day is filled with thoughts and feelings. These tumble one after another, sometimes forming synergistic experiences. We attempt to label these special experiences with words, like ecstasy, trauma, bliss, synergistic, special. None of these words could ever accurately describe the actual experience. It is something one must directly experience and witness for oneself.

There are actual activities and atmospheres that can yield paths to these direct experiences. The paths all lead to the same place, a deep mental and emotional connection to the present moment. This means the capacity is omnipresent; it is right here, right now, always.

What is it that blocks us from these extra ordinary, direct experiences of thought and feeling? It is our ignorance, our mistakenness. Both direct experience AND mistakenness are concurrently existent. Through awareness of our mistakenness we open the door to direct experience.

Awareness is not judgmental. Awareness is openness. It is not about right. It is not about wrong. Simply, awareness just is. It is in every thing and every one and is within this very moment.

The allure of these synergistic experiences can also close down that awareness. Too easily, we become attached to the greatness in ecstasy and bliss. This attachment denies us continued awareness and simultaneously closes the door on openness.

We also block less “feeling good” emotions and thoughts with aversive measures. Aversion is our mental reaction to not having it our way.
Between the two bookends of attachment and aversion, the vacuum of our self takes hold.

Our mind was designed for awareness, not for vacancy. It is this vacuum of self, the space between attachment and aversion, which is the barrier for direct experience. We’ve created a logjam within the universe, attempting to hold onto what we want and pushing off what we do not. In these synergistic moments, the logjam has been dislodged, if only for just a moment.

Imagine removing this logjam intentionally. Only we can remove the barrier of the idea of our self. Through exploration and awareness of this vacuum we can begin its purposeful removal.

The Internal Waters of Thinking of You

We all think about others. There are countless impressions we have when we think of people and things. These impressions are a heterogeneous mixture of mental images and emotional sensations with bits of memory and stage direction scattered and connected throughout. It’s a big mash up made entirely by our mind.

If we let go of the bits of memory and dismantle the stage directives, it frees up that mental/emotional framework for exploration. It is all the holding on and having it our way activities that block joy and happiness that are in that mash of stuff called our life. Clearing and halting all of those activities present many obstacles, but in each obstacle is an extraordinary opportunity, the opportunity to do something entirely different.

Each obstacle we encounter is mostly of our own creation. Whatever it is that we’re feeling and thinking at this moment comes about naturally. It falls apart naturally as well. What clouds and muddles this process is our memories of before and our hopes and fears moving forward.

We rarely achieve a clear view of our present thoughts and emotions in the moment. In fact, it can be extremely overwhelming to begin to explore either, especially considering the longevity of our ignorance of this inner universe. This is why patience is a cornerstone to progress toward a new way. These uncharted waters have been with us in every moment of our existence. What we have done and not done have accumulated much in these uncharted internal waters for at least our entire life.

Consider the oceans at large we were born into, namely our families, our communities, our country and our world: the accumulated bits of everything and everybody that have been since when. Almost everything that is here and now has been here for a very long time. From this world of stagnation, opportunity for liberation is plentiful, even omnipresent. If we can unclutter the mental and emotional reservoirs, we can begin the journey of reunification.

For the majority of our lives, we have felt set apart from all that we see and experience. Plentiful have been the moments where separation seemed clear and apparent. Rarely, have we thoroughly challenged that clear and apparent nature of life, that somehow we’re separated from all else. Considering the constant flux of matter and energy into and out of this body and this mind, how could we ever have believed we were separate and somehow singled out from the rest?

Letting go of memory isn’t forgetting the past; it is letting go of our limited version of it. Our mistakenness of our real nature has poisoned our well of memories. We must release these memories from the consistent control we wish to wield on others as well as our self.

All of our machinations of tomorrow must be released. All that makes up tomorrow is present here and now. As much as we do not desire external control, we must not direct control outward. These machinations are movies and stories we contrive.

Constantly, we are holding casting calls, building and deconstructing stages and set designs. Our plans for the future are both elaborate and subtle in the ways we seek to control others and the conditions we find ourselves within today.

Search your thoughts. Search your feelings.

Are the people you think and feel about real or imagined? Certainly, people are living lives all over this planet. But are the thoughts and feelings about these actual people accurate and reflective of the life that each has led? Just like us, each person has their own sets of thoughts and feelings. Are those sets of sensations in our thoughts and feelings about those people, or do we just have impressions of people, impressions that are not based in reality whatsoever?

Challenge your thoughts. Challenge your feelings.

These thoughts and feelings ebb and flow, come about and fall apart continuously, one after another after another. With minimal challenging, we can discover the true nature of both. Thoughts and feelings come out of our mind like a natural spring.

Imagine if we let that natural spring flow free.

Changing the Observer into the Observed

The mind lives through the brain and the body through the sensory apparatus and consciousness. The mind is not just a physical object that can be cut out and dissected. It spans outside of the physical body through the sensory organs and the consciousness using the body to manipulate, re-orient and alter the surrounding physical world.

Mostly, we apply minimal effort to the examination of how our mind and body interact with each other and our world. Our curiosity of the inner universe should be nurtured, as it is this inner universe that directly engages with our connection to the whole that is the universe. If we open ourselves to the real connection that exists between us and everything else, we embark on a journey that seeks to cut through the illusion-centered existence that clouds our judgment and muddles our involvement.

Ignoring the realm most accessible to us anywhere and anytime and in any conditions is an option for us all. Despite ignorance of this internal realm, it is always there. Our mind was developed to explore. If we do not take ownership over the mind’s exploration, this is where the subconscious is allowed to reign. We can rejoin with our subconscious by exploring it. The way to explore it is to turn the mind on itself and observe the ultimate observer.

The option is always there. We can continue to choose to take this option lightly. Imagine what would be possible if we take that option seriously. We could begin unraveling the causes and the effects in our lives. We don’t even need to devote the entire day to this exploration. We could just try this for a moment, even less than a minute. Our day deserves at least that much.

The Hurt Struggle

“You hurt me.”
If we feel others have hurt us, this is mostly not true. We most often hurt ourselves.

Harm comes to us in three major ways: physical, mental and emotional. Emotional and mental harm, however, are self-created. We only use others in order to do the harm to ourselves without claim of ownership. What we think and what we feel are our own thoughts and feelings. Although we all have the capacity for similar thoughts and similar feelings, these are internal, individual experiences.

This discussion is challenging; let us ease into it.

Certainly, we can physically harm others. We, however, have a fairly superior role in where we are and who is around us. There are some very notable exceptions, sometimes involving work and home. Work and home environments, however, are mostly dictated by our own judgments at certain points.

Other major exceptions do exist in our modern world, involving totalitarian rule and grand scale oppression. Recently, weaknesses have been exposed even in these ways of governance and control. Despite these exceptions, unless we’re being held against our will, we hold the superior role. This does not make the role an easy one; it just means that it is ours to wield.

As long as we continue to see life as being done to us, we’re going to languish in suffering. If we realize we’re at work for a reason, that we live where we do for a reason, then the life dynamic changes from one of victim to overseer. This moment immediately becomes more workable.

We will get through this moment to the next regardless of effort or lack thereof. It is the way in which we consider this moment and our role in it that is the only difference.

We can become distracted by the struggle against reality. It is our struggle against what is that does not much to alter the current state of affairs. A fiery, feisty spirit can be a huge benefit in difficult times, but it can also get in the way. Learning the difference between fighting and accepting is not a clear difference.

Lack of struggle cannot be simple acquiescence. We’re not going to just take it. We’re going to do something about it. To be able to do something about it, we must be able to take it in completely and fully. That is why we have our senses connected to our mind. These senses are a set of devices designed to assist us in working through this moment, directly altering matter and energy to manifest a seemingly different next moment.

None of this is easy. Understanding our role in our life is just a step toward a new life status, one where life and living is on our terms, not the terms of others. Does this mean we don’t contract with people and entities in order to gain a firm footing? No. But, when we do, we need to realize the need, accept the help and live within that contract. Considering other more autonomous options is part of this ongoing process.

We must be careful here. Just because life and living come back under our umbrellas of authority and responsibility, does not stop the tumultuous nature of life weathering that is ongoing. What it does give us is an opportunity to learn as we go, witnessing the results of our direct interventions as we do. This is how we learn as we actively live.

If we’re looking for a simple answer to permanently cure our pain, we won’t find it. The answers have been covered up by misconstruing the source of pain and the source of salvation as something outside of us. Neither is true. Through the exploration of our roles in our lives, we at least give ourselves an opportunity of uncovering these sources from the universe within. It is, after all, the universe within that connects us directly to the universe as a whole.

Irritabilities, Origins Within

Irritability. Where does it come from? When it strikes, it seems everything is prickly, everything is hurtful, everything is tainted by pain and infused with suffering.

We certainly find ourselves irritable often. In those moments, clarity of thought vanishes, actions become muddled and our intentions become toxic with expectation.

Perhaps, the supposed symptoms of irritability are actually the cause of it. If that is so, where and what is our first step down this well-worn path?

Expectation has many subtle avenues into thoughts, feelings and actions. Without expectations, where is the fuel for irritation? Without expectations, where are the barriers between us and others?

We create these ideas of others and ideas of outcomes and expect someone to step into the outcome we’ve envisioned.

Learning to disengage expectations is an enduring pursuit. It is a pursuit worthy of consistent, sincere effort. It is a pursuit we must embark upon today, every day. In the midst of irritation, it is vital.

Fear and Loneliness, In a Crowded Space

We’ve experienced this, congregating with good intent, for right purpose.

We feel good, we feel sufficiently congregrated.

Yet, there’s this guttural undertone. We feel alien. We feel alone. We feel scared. We’re in a crowded space.

Reaching out is nearly automatic. Reaching out invokes response.

Initially, we reach out to those physically nearest us. We feel a connection to this moment we describe and experience. Yet, the response hits the rocks that comprise our self.

Questions, concerns, fears take over.

What are these people after? Is this some personal joke, where we’re the punch line?

Are they just working out some past personal travesty on us? Simply, checking some box to feel better about who and what they are? Which and why they have done what they have done?

Not dissuaded by the falling so short of initial response, we begin expanding our reaching out beyond the immediate physical space that feels so crowded. This seems much like writhing in a desert and imagining water. Can any good come from it?

What possible relief is so not here that we must conjure it up with our mind? And, this conjured vision of relief is elsewhere, not here. Are our hopes that distant from the reality we appear to occupy?

Maybe, our hopes and our reality are neither.

It appears obvious; our immediate attempts at immediate relief will not be answered. Our secondary attempts at relief will not be answered. Not because the answers are not there, but because of where we seek those answers, from others.

As long as we look for salvation and relief from outside of us, we will absolutely fail at both. The way we feel is internal junk and not fired up by some external source. Any change of how we feel must originate internally, not from some external salvation. Any change of how we think begins with our mind and ends with what we do with it.

We fear what we feel we cannot affect in this life. We feel alone when we feel we cannot affect others in any productive way, one-on-one or in some crowded space.

Both the fear and the loneliness are apparitions. Both are an illusion we create to not act and to feel frozen in inaction.

Our intention, good, has been allowed to become clouded by the ideas of tomorrow and the failures of yesterday.

Both the hopes and the fears live in this day. Neither are standalone.

Both hope and fear drag life into the emotional gutter, the mind locking the door on the way down.

Neither hope nor fear can provide any relief for any one.

Hopes and fears are synonymous. Let go of both now. Live now.

Uncover Our Role in Our States of Living

Every one of us is looking for a few basic things. We want to feel good and we don’t want to feel bad. This is the difference between peace & happiness and pain & suffering. We should remain open to understanding how these states of living (peace, happiness, pain and suffering) develop in our life.

What brings about these states of living? Where do they come from? How can we affect these states? Why do they exist? When will it end?

Connecting cause and effect is critical to transforming our life. The only way to transform our life is to develop a deep understanding of our direct role in the development and experience of each of these states of living. There’s much we do every day to maximize the good and minimize the bad, we just fumble the ball, pay little to no attention and don't challenge our view of it whatsoever.

Elaborate orchestrations do not create peace and happiness.
Events and traumas do not create pain and suffering.

The mind is what highlights the states of living. The mind focuses on one set over the other set, and can move from one to another quickly. Realizing the powerful role our minds have in every bit of this process begins to place the wheel back in our hands.

When we suffer, instead of just being miserable with it, be curious about how the suffering develops and sustains itself. What are the factors that govern the development and the disipation of the suffering? How can we interrupt the development and quicken the rate of disipation?

When we're happy, really challenge the origin of that happiness. Is it somehow injected into us from some external source, or is it always underlying every moment of our existence and we just don't acknowledge it or actively ignore it? How many times have we felt happy and instead of embracing this state of mind, we push it away and attempt to silence it?

It can be scary to feel sustained happiness. It wakens up our mind and our awareness, and there's plenty we've ignored and for far too long. The flood of awareness can be overwhelming, so instead of focusing that awareness we shut it down completely.

Let us nurture all of our states of living. Let us get to know each.
Let us uncover our natural state and embrace it openly.
Let us have patience as we explore this wonder we call life.
Let us just be.

The Shame and Guilt Monsters

Shame and guilt are weapons. Weapons we use on each other. Weapons we use on ourselves. Shame and guilt are not simple emotion. It is a synergistic response, tearing us and others down. It is used as a force to control, to silence and to shut down a person or a group of people. Shame and guilt are the monsters of human individuality and the prison guards of human spirit.

The reason shame and guilt are so monster-size is because we can never truly see the monster we’ve been taught to fear. If the shame and guilt is applied as a result of past action, it can cripple us moving forward. If the shame and guilt is applied because of what we think or how we feel, it can taint everything we do and everything we experience.

We experience our life through all of our senses. When we apply a value judgment on thoughts and feelings, we create a blockage that becomes a continuously-generating concern. These blockages create an abscess inside our subconscious, driving us to work against our own best interest and the true best interest of others. It taints all we see and poisons all we do.

These blockages freeze our awareness. The blockages obstruct our ability to deal with the source of that shame and guilt, the way we feel about ourselves. Certainly, people judge others. More than that, we judge ourselves. Either way is equally unfair. It's also ineffective and unproductive because we cannot control the way people think or feel about us whatsoever.

It’s our obsession with the appearance of our self coupled with the reality that we cannot change what has already been done that creates the destructive potential of shame and guilt. In reality, we can only move forward and alter the way we conduct ourselves. In addition, our view of history is not one based in reality, as that past moment does not exist anywhere outside of our own mind. That past is our attempt at holding onto our view of our self. We either wish to be right, or we beat ourselves up for being wrong; neither is actually the case.

To attempt control strengthens the resolve behind what's driving our shame and guilt. What we would suggest is to not push against the shame or guilt but to thoroughly explore and challenge it. What we suggest is to begin challenging the way we perceive, where perceptions originate and how perceptions shape all that we do and do not do.

If shame and guilt work for us and others, than we should continue that. If shame and guilt do not work for us, maybe we should attempt to find another way to learn and live.

Turning shame and guilt inside out exposes the truth behind each, it’s all about us.

The Breakthrough: Emotions as a Sense

The untethering of our emotions from external sources begins a journey of redefinition. This is not the redefining of who we’ve always been, but a discovery of what we really are. This process unfolds as the weights and the strings begin to be purged and sliced from our life. This is a breakthrough, and it significantly readjusts the way we experience and interact with everything and everyone.

Emotions are like a sixth sense. Emotions give us immediate, on-the-spot feedback on our life. That feedback can be a guide or an obstacle. The obstacle would be an unwillingness to remain aware and curious to what our emotions are telling us. This would be much like not removing your hand from a hot burner; it makes absolutely no sense.

Instead of working against these emotions, we could turn it all around by seeing these emotions as guides, not walls. By pushing away what we feel, we’re ignoring a large swath of input. This input is particularly rich in texture and diffuse simultaneously.

The nebulous nature of emotion is what confuses us, much like the cosmos confused humanity for generations. It still confounds, such is the complexity and unfamiliarity with the universe as well as our emotions.

We must take great patience as we embark on this emotional exploration. Following emotions to the origin is difficult, but we can at least have a sense of where those emotions do not originate, from outside of us. This is a most common misstep, the connecting of the cause of what we feel to any external source.

Challenge this premise objectively. Objectivity with emotions isn’t easy initially, just as walking wasn’t easy those first thousand steps. Give yourself at least that many here. We, after all, have been treating emotions pretty much the same way for our entire lives.

When we feel anger, is someone injecting that into us, or is someone bringing our innate anger out into the open?

We’re at the stove, we’re sautéing food and some oil splatters and burns our hand. We get angry. Is it the oil that's infused with anger and that makes us angry upon hitting our skin? Or, is that anger already inside of us and simply needs to be triggered to surface?

When we’re happy, are we being lifted up by someone else or an inner light being switched on by someone else? Often, people will remark on how someone or something makes them happy. Ferret out the truth, here. If someone makes you happy, why isn’t that always the case?

These emotions are similar to switches. Sometimes, the circuits break and the switches become useless. Unlike electricity, however, when the circuits break, the emotions may remain transfixed. This is what happens when we attempt to block out our feelings, it can overload the system.

The ramifications are complex and difficult to manage. Remember, our emotions are not us; our emotions are simply another sense, much like our physical senses. Just like our physical senses, our emotions can be misunderstood and easily misinterpreted.

Emotions are just that, impressions about what we’re experiencing. These feelings fluctuate continuously because our experience fluctuates continuously. It is the application of force and control that creates a blockage of that natural process and creates problems for us.

Try this, just experience the emotions. Close your eyes and simply allow your mind to become familiar with whatever it is you’re feeling right now. This is like watching your body breathe, which the body does all on its own without us even thinking. This is what we’re doing here, we’re not thinking about how we feel, but experiencing it as it is. No control required.

You may discover that there are subtle connections between your physical body and the way you feel. This exercise can provide a great deal of relief in the midst of an intense emotional experience. It is the intensity that our mind reacts to through shutting down the emotional process instead of allowing our emotional state to unfold on its own.

Emotions are our own. Emotions are a sense. Emotions arise to help us, not hinder us. Emotions fluctuate naturally; controlling emotions interrupts that natural process. How we experience and think about our emotions directly affects our daily life. How that experience unfolds is completely up to us.

Do we work against our nature, or do we make it work for us?

Answers to You: The Human Resistance Factor

One must be careful not to impose one's own interpretations on others. The arrogance of believing that others want to adopt or adapt to an individual's different philosophy is common. Sometimes one must allow others their space, their views, and their choices of how they wish to think...even if it is different from your own.

ar·ro·gance   
offensive display of superiority or self-importance; overbearing pride.
o•ver•bear•ing
1. domineering; dictatorial; haughtily or rudely arrogant.
2. of overwhelming or critical importance.

From dictionary.com

What about the philosophy and the perspective I offer is about imposing views on anyone? If anything, it’s about opening up to “Alternative Perspectives”, not resisting opposing views to my own. You offer up a perfect example of “External Resistance”, which is perfectly understandable why you push back as hard as you do. I feel that you’re pushing against yourself; I could be mistaken. Instead of opening up, you’re shutting down. Once again, it’s very understandable and I’m okay with it.

Arrogance is a curious word to throw around, especially from the supposed target of arrogance. If anything, the arrogance you bring up is actually the other way around, from you at me. And, I don’t say that with any seriousness, but to expose the use of a word that is meant to silence someone instead of opening up to them.

These “power words” are words of intimidation and are very plentiful in today’s society. People paint someone or a cause as a radical, as arrogant, as un-American, as closed-minded (there are many examples) with the sole purpose of shutting them down and winning people to your own side. I’m not on your side or my side; I’m not on any side. The sides you see so clearly are of your own creation.

I’ve discovered that when you don’t get dissuaded by these intimidation tactics, the negativity doesn’t diminish but intensifies to a crescendo. To me this seems like progress. It’s an opportunity to let go of these ideas that others are somehow superior to you or more important than you are. Once again, I’m not telling you what to do, only offering a different path.

I have no feelings of superiority or self-importance to anyone. Simply because you say that I do, does not mean that I do. This is another tactic that people use to try to get a negative reaction to use against the target now and in the future. These are so engrained into our psyche we believe it when we say it and defend the initial assumption furiously.

Rarely, do people let go instead of allowing someone to do something different today or tomorrow. We attempt to conjure up these negative feelings in others in order to keep people away, to give us an excuse to not attempt to think differently, to not do a good thing today. I have and still do these same tactics, but I’m making progress on eliminating them and other emotion-based reactions from myself.

I understand the fear because I’m walking through that fear every single day. There’s ample evidence to fall back to old tactics, but those tactics don’t serve the purpose of the ridding of ignorance from my life. Instead, those tactics pile on the ignorance. I’m opening up, not shutting down.

Being open to a different idea doesn’t mean you accept it completely or at all. You don’t ever have to be open to something different. That is all up to you, and I would not take that choice away from anyone.

Instead of dissecting or discussing the ideas I present, you attack my character because you think all of this is about me. It simply isn’t the case. In fact, the entire context of the article is about letting go of the self, not lifting the self to high-esteem. Even if what I write is all about me, why make it about me? Wouldn’t that compound the problem instead of highlighting the fallacious thinking?

I appreciate the honest emotion and feeling behind your response. I want people to respond honestly and openly as you have done. It’s an opportunity for me to further open up, and that is my goal here. I would hope for anyone to dialogue and discuss what’s written here, and not just intellectually. It is so important to dialogue about the emotional and spiritual response you feel in whatever you do.

Keep it up!

The Human Resistance Factor

Resistance is a human phenomenon derived from a natural survival instinct. Now, this human resistance factor mostly acts against our inner well-being; inner well-being exists regardless of any conditions, externally or internally. We’ve still been fighting, not for the survival of our life but for the survival of the self.

This fight is what we must let go. It is this fight that denies us inner contentment, peace and spontaneous joy. These are always with us in every moment; we need only let go to connect completely to this natural state.

There are many areas affected by our human resistance factor. We resist change, consequences, alternative perspectives and certain stimuli. Dissecting the effect of these areas of resistance is ongoing. Also, we begin a conversation on explorative resistance as it relates to not just ourselves but others as well.

Change

Change is all around us and inside of us. Change is constant, whether we’re aware of it or not. It’s our resistance to natural change that can completely obstruct us from enjoying this moment. Think of all the times and all the people that resist against the change inherent in the weather. There are occasions when weather does intersect with our survival; these occasions are rare, extreme and usually quite obvious. We do have a long-term impact on the weather, but in this moment we have minimal if any effect on current weather. To make weather an obstacle to joy, peace and contentment, then, is a self-induced situation. Only we can rid ourselves of that obstacle by realizing we’re not going to have it our way.

Beyond the external changes, the changes inside of us should not be ignored. We should not resist the day-to-day changes that are inherently part of daily maintenance and aging of the body. Here, the notable changes are trends and not the details of the changing current state. Aches and pains are normal; fluctuating bodily functions are normal. Resisting these normal states actively with external methods can create a multitude of consequences, some predictable, some much more subtle.

Sometimes, medical intervention is necessary. When we decide on a medical intervention, we should not resist against the side effects of the intervention. Instead, we could make those side effects work for us, not against us.

Consequences

Resisting consequences extends the damage and the longevity of those consequences in our daily life. Also, it leaves us ill-prepared for the potential and probable slate of unintended consequences to the initial action. Consider that we’ve made a tough but necessary call and now we’re focused on the pain and suffering that decision exposes us to. In the aftermath of these decisive moments, we should avoid resisting any consequences. If we are not open to the consequences, we cannot completely catalog these.

We are resistant to not only consequences of our own decisions, but to the natural consequences of living in a changing world. A tornado creates amazing devastation. We don’t just leave the devastation; we perform salvage operations to extract what still has use and clear away what no longer does. This may be emotionally or even physically difficult, but if we focus on those difficulties to natural disaster instead of actively engaging in the salvaging of the wreckage, we’re not as efficient or effective as we could be.

There are consequences to ownership and stewardship as well. A house has maintenance requirements just as a car does. By being resistant to these concerns, usually the consequences grow more severe.

Don’t ignore consequences; work with consequences. We determine how we navigate all of the consequences in our life. Learning to work with what’s going on is so critical to making life work with us as opposed to against us.

Certain Stimuli

We all have blind spots in our intake of sensory information. Physical limitations do exist in our sensory apparatus; total loss or limitations may exist in hearing, taste, touch, smell and sight. Other limitations do exist. These limitations are self-imposed blind spots and can be evidence of the unwillingness to let go. It’s as if we’re using only the rearview mirror in navigating our vehicle. The vehicle, here, is not just our body but our entire life. It sometimes works out, but when it doesn’t the damage can be severe.

Besides the obvious physical sensory information, we sometimes are blind to emotional cues from others and of ourselves. We try to overwhelm these emotional cues with distraction, overstimulation and ignorance. We can use distraction to avoid awkward discussions, emotional topics or controversial debates. Overstimulation is used to silence anyone or anything else. And, when someone brings about empathy or a guttural emotional reaction, one option is to ignore it completely. Instead of simply listening to every word, we offer nothing productive whatsoever.

We also have blind spots to our own emotional cues. This is similar to when we place our hand on a scalding hot stove and not reacting immediately by removing our hand; it makes no sense. Emotions act similarly as the nerve endings in your hand; emotions are trying to tell us something about what’s happening. We must begin to become aware of our emotions and attempt to understand what it is these emotions are trying to tell us.

Alternate Perspectives

We also resist against alternative perspectives to our immediate and past circumstance. This is due to our self-limiting view of reality. The more perspective we can apply to a situation, the more effective and efficient our response. We want to use telescopes and microscopes as well as our own senses. When and how you examine something depends on what it is being examined. When examining the moon, we use microscopes to examine lunar rocks brought back to earth and use telescopes to examine the actual moon orbiting the Earth. We want to use the most effective perspectives for the current situation.

Perspective isn’t just about the method of examination. Sometimes, it’s the broader timeline that’s important not to forget. It’s like eliminating a person from your life without looking at the bigger picture. Maybe, this person is in the midst of a crisis, internal or external. If we refuse to look beyond this moment, we can begin eliminating people from our life because of one unfortunate moment brought about by a series of circumstances and situations. Once again, trends are more important than exacting the response or the action that we feel we need from someone right now.

Explorative and External Resistance

Explorative resistance can have a productive and probative value, especially if this resistance is against your own self and your own view. Here we discover the fine line in resistance. Mostly, the resistance to change, to consequences, to stimuli and to alternative perspectives is an internal resistant problem to external events. Resistance plays a critical role in the transformation of life. The key is to not attach value judgements to that explorative action and to avoid the pitfalls of guilt and shame.

We also must be careful in explorative resistance to other people’s situations. These other people may not be open to doing anything differently in their lives. This doesn’t mean not to use explorative engagement as an attempt to alleviate current pain and suffering of others.

We must be prepared, however, for the inevitable resistance by anyone, including ourselves, as we attempt to help or actively understand ourselves and others. We must be prepared of the natural human resistance to transformation. After all, it is human to resist.

Moving Away from Emotion-Based Tactics

It has become engrained behavior to use emotion-based tactics to help others but more often hurt others. Emotion-based reactions are the simplest to extract from human interaction; we use trigger words or make an action that provokes an emotional response. We are emotional beings who mostly have not explored nor challenged all of our emotional states. That is why these tactics are nearly as successful as they are useful.

People resort to emotion-based tactics when threatened mentally. These tactics often involve the invoking of shame, guilt or anger in the target as opposed to the alternative of opening or broadening personal views.

We all have the urge to hold onto our view instead of adapting or evolving understanding. This is the urge to ignore regardless of evidence to the contrary. Opposing or alien views to our own are not the enemy. When we try to invoke negative and non-productive emotions in others, we, ourselves, are shutting down. We also shut down the target of the tactic simultaneously. We both suffer.

The same can be said of trying to invoke positive and more productive emotions in others. Even though these objectives seem to be done in good will, they are a more seductive form of manipulation. If we’re doing something for someone or reaching out to them, oftentimes we expect them to accept all of it so openly and with relative ease. When people are in need, they’re at their most vulnerable; they’re already shutdown.

When we do something we think is helpful for others, we should just do it without any expectation of them accepting it or “getting it”, ever. Otherwise, we’re setting the person-in-need up for more set ‘em up ‘n tear ‘em down. These people that are in most need are usually the most shut down at the onset. The key in helping those in need is to keep reaching out without becoming the obstacle to healing.

There are other options we can choose. We can first not react emotionally to external events or people. I’m not suggesting ignoring emotions or feelings. I’m suggesting untethering your emotional state to events and others. Secondly, instead of doing things to get a response from others, let’s try to just do good things; for others, for ourselves, for our community, for our environment.

This is not easy. Have patience for yourself. We’re being very ambitious as we take steps to transform our life. This is not easy for anyone. Take a deep breath. Open yourself to another way. You can easily revert back to the old way if this doesn’t work out.

Related Ignorance Ridding Posts
The Emotional Dysregulation Concern

Beginning the Unraveling of Cause and Effect

Making decisions is a critical part of our lives. Yet, we spend little to no effort in the decision-making process in daily life. Applying minimal added consideration to everyday decisions could yield transformative results in our lives.

Occasionally, we are faced with more difficult decisions. Decisions become increasingly difficult when the array of options available accompany predictable, direct and immediate consequences and inaction sustains stagnant pain and suffering.

In even the most mundane of decisions, there are unintended consequences that are possible to probable to predict. For example, the mundane decision of what to eat. We really do not know if what we’re going to eat is going to make us sick; it is always possible but mostly improbable.

With eating and then becoming sick, it is fairly easy to connect cause and effect; mostly, we do not properly connect the two in our lives. When we examine the interaction of physical objects in experiments, it is easier to delineate cause and effect. It is not as simple while exploring cause and effect in human interactions. Here we’re moving away from the day-to-day decisions of what to eat and into the broader life decisions of what to do and how to be.

Attempting to connect cause and effect can go terribly awry. This is especially true with our feelings or emotions. Emotions are not something that can be injected into us by others or by experiences. We have a set of emotions that our experiences trigger and bring to the surface of consciousness. These feelings are not caused by anything or anyone yet many blame external forces for the way they feel.

This is why the endeavor of unraveling cause and effect in our life is a very intense and nearly infinite process. If we truly believe that a cause and effect exists, we should thoroughly challenge that connection and remain open to being mistaken about it. This means being open to information that does not support our current view.