Answers to You: The Breathing Connection

Breathing is a natural reflex. Breathing is effortless.

Although breathing is a natural reflex for most, some have to actually focus on breathing evenly. If we strive to allow our breaths to synchronize evenly, then we are able to relax and be more aware. To make breathing effortless would be to conquer fears and doubts.

We're not trying to breathe evenly or in any other way. What we're doing here is just watching the body breathe. Trust me, the body will breathe all on its own and when it needs to do so.

Relaxing all control over the action of breathing is what I'm talking about. Use that mental effort you want to put into breathing into watching your body breathe.

This is not easy whatsoever. Your mind is going to want to intervene. Just relax when that happens and re-apply the mind towards simple awareness of the breathing.

Apply patience often, reduce control and effort. Breathe.

Answers to You: The Human Resistance Factor

One must be careful not to impose one's own interpretations on others. The arrogance of believing that others want to adopt or adapt to an individual's different philosophy is common. Sometimes one must allow others their space, their views, and their choices of how they wish to think...even if it is different from your own.

ar·ro·gance   
offensive display of superiority or self-importance; overbearing pride.
o•ver•bear•ing
1. domineering; dictatorial; haughtily or rudely arrogant.
2. of overwhelming or critical importance.

From dictionary.com

What about the philosophy and the perspective I offer is about imposing views on anyone? If anything, it’s about opening up to “Alternative Perspectives”, not resisting opposing views to my own. You offer up a perfect example of “External Resistance”, which is perfectly understandable why you push back as hard as you do. I feel that you’re pushing against yourself; I could be mistaken. Instead of opening up, you’re shutting down. Once again, it’s very understandable and I’m okay with it.

Arrogance is a curious word to throw around, especially from the supposed target of arrogance. If anything, the arrogance you bring up is actually the other way around, from you at me. And, I don’t say that with any seriousness, but to expose the use of a word that is meant to silence someone instead of opening up to them.

These “power words” are words of intimidation and are very plentiful in today’s society. People paint someone or a cause as a radical, as arrogant, as un-American, as closed-minded (there are many examples) with the sole purpose of shutting them down and winning people to your own side. I’m not on your side or my side; I’m not on any side. The sides you see so clearly are of your own creation.

I’ve discovered that when you don’t get dissuaded by these intimidation tactics, the negativity doesn’t diminish but intensifies to a crescendo. To me this seems like progress. It’s an opportunity to let go of these ideas that others are somehow superior to you or more important than you are. Once again, I’m not telling you what to do, only offering a different path.

I have no feelings of superiority or self-importance to anyone. Simply because you say that I do, does not mean that I do. This is another tactic that people use to try to get a negative reaction to use against the target now and in the future. These are so engrained into our psyche we believe it when we say it and defend the initial assumption furiously.

Rarely, do people let go instead of allowing someone to do something different today or tomorrow. We attempt to conjure up these negative feelings in others in order to keep people away, to give us an excuse to not attempt to think differently, to not do a good thing today. I have and still do these same tactics, but I’m making progress on eliminating them and other emotion-based reactions from myself.

I understand the fear because I’m walking through that fear every single day. There’s ample evidence to fall back to old tactics, but those tactics don’t serve the purpose of the ridding of ignorance from my life. Instead, those tactics pile on the ignorance. I’m opening up, not shutting down.

Being open to a different idea doesn’t mean you accept it completely or at all. You don’t ever have to be open to something different. That is all up to you, and I would not take that choice away from anyone.

Instead of dissecting or discussing the ideas I present, you attack my character because you think all of this is about me. It simply isn’t the case. In fact, the entire context of the article is about letting go of the self, not lifting the self to high-esteem. Even if what I write is all about me, why make it about me? Wouldn’t that compound the problem instead of highlighting the fallacious thinking?

I appreciate the honest emotion and feeling behind your response. I want people to respond honestly and openly as you have done. It’s an opportunity for me to further open up, and that is my goal here. I would hope for anyone to dialogue and discuss what’s written here, and not just intellectually. It is so important to dialogue about the emotional and spiritual response you feel in whatever you do.

Keep it up!

The Pitfalls of Bridging Disagreements

Disagreements happen whenever human beings interact. These disagreements naturally develop due to perception governing reality as opposed to reality governing perception. Sometimes, disagreements are obvious; other times disagreements are hidden to one or all parties. Bridging disagreements is a highly precarious endeavor as all people respond and perceive differently.

We must carefully examine the audience, the histories and the capacities of all involved to develop the most effective, efficient bridging action(s). Even if we consider every aspect of the disagreement and the people involved, the pitfalls in bridging these disagreements are numerous.

Rational Arguments
Using rational thinking to persuade someone of our good intentions and past good acts is a common post-disagreement step for many. However, people in a post-disagreement state of mind commonly are not rational whatsoever. Irrational people are rarely going to be swayed by rational arguments. In fact, a rational argument in this case usually strengthens the feelings of disagreement and can increase the longevity of the situation.

Withdraw/Retreat
Retreat is sometimes necessary immediately after the disagreement has taken place. However, returning quickly to normal behavior and normal treatment can be crucial to a quick bridge through and out of the disagreement. This is especially true if the other side is in full retreat. Denying your input & action is only going to intensify any retreat by the other side. Restarting the relationship with the familiarity of good intentions and in an open-ended way can remind someone of previous good acts. This can quickly bridge the gap between.
Leaving irrational, inexperienced people to figure this out on their own is like placing the inmates in charge of the asylum. The likelihood of irrational thinking becoming rational acting is like an alchemist turning iron into gold, highly unlikely.

Retaining Mindset of Being Right
Oftentimes, all a person need do to bridge a disagreement is a simple acknowledgement of how our inept action led to real or perceived harm. Regardless of our intention, sometimes the party our actions are directed at cannot accept those actions. In fact, the other person might be reacting to internal fears of being mistaken and not the concern or the good will being shown. In repairing the relationship, we must not get caught up in being right or being seen as correct. If apologizing is all the person requires to let go of their own fear or their own role in the disagreement, how could we not offer that without reservation? The goal is to bridge the disagreement, not to be right.

The outcomes can be potentially disastrous when we let others’ actions dictate our involvement. Certainly, we must remain open throughout this process, as conditions can change quickly. Avoiding these common pitfalls is a constant struggle in navigating the difficult circumstances of disagreement. If we continue forward with the relationship, remaining focused on our good intention and remaining open-ended in that intention, we will persevere. We need only be on both sides to do so.

The Process of Misunderstanding

Are you encouraging a difference of opinion or seeking a regurgitation of your own views??? Of course, I was not comparing myself to composers, scientists, etc. That was used as an analogy. I didn't think there was right or wrong answers when one comments their own opinion... My opinion is different than yours!

I'm encouraging understanding and patience. You obviously feel very strongly about your own opinion. I make every attempt to go beyond right, wrong and otherwise. I most assuredly bungle that in every interchange. That does not mean I should stop making every effort going forward.

You are commenting on the ideas I've expressed and that I currently am engaged in with my mind and my life. I appreciate every one of these comments, as it exposes to myself what aspects of my process that require a more intensive analysis and further delineation.

If you come to an initial understanding that someone has misunderstood what you're attempting to describe, would you not make every attempt to rid the exchange of that misunderstanding?

These are all words, and words do have meaning beyond the simple definition. Words have power from our own history, a history that others sometimes do not share. It's like reading any of this to someone who does not speak or understand English whatsoever. These are just words; they are truly meaningless by themselves. It is the intent and the perspective behind the words where the truth resides.

Ridding of Ignorance, Re-Invigorated

Your cynicism is showing!! The pendulum swings both ways in positive contributions and negative ones. I dare you to argue the work of scientists to create vaccines against polio, malaria, and smallpox..to name a few. Their lifetime efforts of research and development were worthy endeavors. Can you state that works of literature that have taken years to write in order to teach and challenge thought of the reader wasn't a worthy endeavor? Can you believe that our best composers who took years developing their talents to compose great music for which generations would continue to enjoy were not contributing valuably to society?? I continue to believe that only being concerned with the moment and now is immature and irresponsible.

Humanity has lost much that is not recoverable. Nothing lasts forever; this planet and this solar system will be scattered throughout the galaxy, just like our bodies will be scattered across this planet. Living your life thinking that somehow what you do now or ever will be etched into history forever, seems a painful way to exist. I doubt that Frederic Chopin or Louis Pasteur considered for one minute what we're doing right this minute.

You miss the entire point of what I've been discussing with myself here. This is understandable; let us have some patience with ourselves.

Don't you see that by comparing yourself to all these composers, scientists and writers that you've totally lost focus on doing something right this moment? You're so lost in the mesh of what you think you know so well that you cannot contemplate anything nor any concept not known to you right now.

You continously use words to qualitatively lower others around you, and due only to the presentation of a different idea or a different opinion to your own. Words like irresponsible and immature directed toward anyone demeans yourself. When you enter a discussion feeling as if you must prove something or someone wrong, you're no longer discussing anything. The ability to expand your view diminishes considerably.

Being certain means you're actively engaged in your life; you're doing something with your life. Realizing the destructive potential of our living power does not negate the constructive potential of that same power today. It's a recognition of the truth. Many truths can co-exist and contradict each other simultaneously. The key is to be flexible enough and aware enough in this moment to act with certainty yet not be attached to the outcome you so desire to be the result.

These are not easy waters to wade into casually. Attempting to apply fixed concepts to non-fixed realities is going to always be painful if you remain aware. So many are not aware, yet experience vivid pain and suffering as the result of that lack of awareness.

I feel the reason people do not act differently and participate directly in their community is because they hold the view that these massive problems we all face are fixed situations and are immoveable and intractable. Some people feel as if they have no affect on those problems, and, accordingly, don't bother to do anything at all.

These fixed concepts are the ignorance I so wish to rid from my mind, my life and my community. This is the heart of the ignorance I wish to tear out of my life and do so openly, with compassion and patience for others.

Thank you for this opportunity to re-invigorate my efforts toward this aim.

Follow these series.
Frightening World, Scary Me 2
Crucial Certainty
Frightening World, Scary Me

Frightening World, Scary Me 2

Letting go and not wanting more is succumbing to fear.

I believe just the opposite. What is it that you can hold onto right now that will be with you when you're dead? What more do you need right now that you can have without taking that from someone else or causing anyone pain? To me, it sounds like the fear is yours, not mine. It is a completely understandable position though.

What a person does yesterday is important. It is significant. Because yesterday involved learning and growing and courageously trying to improve oneself and one's community, and one's ability to contribute to the betterment of tomorrow. How selfish to think that only today and this moment matters.

What a person does yesterday is as important as you're attachment to it.

Many people have killed people and lived to do amazingly good things for others in the future, even saving people's lives. Other people have done so much good in the past, yet today terrorize and spread hatred and bigotry. Which person here is the good person by your method? The one that did good yesterday, or the one that did good today? I believe both to be good, irrespective of yesterday or today.

Thank goodness that our great scientists, leaders, and teachers have believed that tomorrow is significant to the quality of life of each individual. Thank goodness our doctors and laborers believe that tomorrow is worthy of their efforts, and that a quality life is an admirable goal. Are you certain that one's thoughts are more important than one's actions??

Great scientists have created more death and devastation on this planet than anything else. What has led to all this additional, toxic pollution in the world? It's misuse of technology. Despite scientists' greatest aspirations for their work, anything can be used as a weapon or can yield destructive and constructive results.

Look at current world leaders as well as throughout history. Leaders constantly make decisions that have led to the unforeseen death of people, animals or plants, sometimes in order to save other people's lives. Does any good come from loss of life? Absolutely. Does any good come from allowing nature to take it's course? Absolutely.

Do not let fear keep yourself from a productive life for yourself. If you allow yourself to think that even a brief, mortal existence isn't worthy of wanting to be a significant part of society, then that is a destructive path in itself. It does not matter what other's definition of a successful life is. It matters if you are using your talents and abilities to make some positive difference. What matters is that you do move forward!

Again, this fear is your fear, not mine. All of our lives produce something, and that's everything that we consume. What we consume cannot be consumed by others until we shit, piss or sweat it out.

We are a significant part of society just living, breathing, eating and shitting. Why do you think sewage and trash are some of the largest social issues affecting modern-day society in America? Because we all want so much and do not realize that wanting so much, having so much means that we litter the world with our shit.

The key, we believe, is to not get caught up in making a positive difference, but to do good now. Getting caught up in the atmospherics of some fairytale future seems a good way of exhausting our talents and abilities uselessly. Moving forward comes at a high price, either for ourselves, for others or for our planet.

Follow this series.Frightening World, Scary Me

Emptiness Talk 3

If emptiness is not a lack of something needed, then is it a lack of balance in one's life? For all life consists of a multitude of feelings, including joy and pain; therefore, if there is not balance between the two, is their a vacuum needing filled? Is not having balance having strength??

Life is naturally balanced between birth and death. Many bits and many pieces continue to come together and fall apart to make up what we believe to be ourselves. If you really attempt to find what you call "me", can you ever actually find it?

Examine this with everything you encounter. Can we find anything that stands alone and never changes or alters itself in anyway? Even seemingly ever present fixtures in our life, such as the sun, are really the most dynamic of systems. Our bodies are the same. We take in, we defecate, we grow, we wither.

This emptiness is not a lack of something; it is everything and everyone. It's what makes up all matter and all life. Vacuum or filled space are both examples of emptiness. It's our mistaken view that what we see and what we touch is the way we perceive it to be. All these feelings we feel, these thoughts we have, ebb and flow throughout existence.

When we continuously try to focus on this solid identity we feel we have, we suffer and experience pain because it is not reality. Letting go of me and embracing the reality of our own emptiness is an amazing process. If you can find you, work with that. If you cannot, work with that.

Follow the Emptiness Talk series
Emptiness Talk 2
Emptiness Talk

Emptiness Talk 2

Emptiness can be the result of not being challenged to the capacity you are capable. ..or not feeling satisfaction in your job, career, friendships. Are expectations too high or too low?? To change outcome of emptiness feelings, one must fill vacuum with other feelings which are stronger; such as, contentment, gratitude, strength, and inner peace.

This is not the emptiness that is at the heart of everything we are and everything we experience. It is my lack of ability that I'm bungling this talk of emptiness. Afterall, I'm attempting to describe something that is not capable of being accurately detailed by words and thoughts. Emptiness is something inherent in everything. The same emptiness that exists within a rock is present within myself.

Human beings attach all sorts of labels to cover up our inherent nature. Our inherent nature is not one of permanence. It is not something you can actually single out by itself apart from anything or everything else.

If we are our jobs, our careers, what happens to all the millions of people that have lost their job or their career during the Great Recession? What happens to all those unemployed and unable to find work? Are they any different than they were before the job loss?

If we are our families and relationships, what happens when family members die, friends perish or loved ones move away? Are we then not ourselves when we're alone or when we're the last survivor of a family?

Look at yourself. What is this thing called me? If it's in my hands, those can be cut away from my body. Am I a wholly different person because I lost a limb or lost use of a limb? People have organs removed or replaced with other people's organs. Are they now less human or more than one human being?

Are we the way we feel about our life or are we somehow beyond that? The way we feel fluctuates wildly within every moment for some. How can that be a basis for finding what constitutes this thing I call me?

Lets get out of this human terrain, and look at the universe as a whole. Many stars die or are born all the time. Is the universe any less the whole than it ever was? Planets crumble and come together. Is there any more mass or less mass in the universe?

The vacuum you are talking about is the concept of emptiness. It is at the heart of you and me and at the heart of our existence. As human beings, we want to hold onto this idea of what me is. Our ignorance about our real nature is the primary source of all our suffering.

This concept of emptiness is very challenging to discuss, but it's a worthwhile discussion to have. Please challenge it. Question it. I want to be challenged and I need to be questioned, especially about this. Keep the comments coming. It is only through direct experience that we will ever know emptiness.

Traumatic Memories as Testament to our Ignorance

Our main ambition with this blog is for us to have a place to write and ferret out our ignorance. Who knows where we'll end up. Hell, we started talking about where feelings originate, and ended up in the middle of the oil spill.

We attempt to not get so caught up in having to do things a certain way or things having a certain outcome for us. That's how trauma exposes our ignorance. It makes it obvious that we've been mistaken all along.

These traumatic memories people are experiencing everywhere, yes, they can shake the very foundations of your life this day. What having patience gives us is knowledge and understanding that we will get through this. That we will see to it that we will get to the other side of this moment. It is, after all, just a moment bookshelfed by other moments.

Traumatic memories are being made aware to you because you're learning to have patience for yourselves. You want to get better, and this is the process to get there.

Traumatic memories are like toxins, stuck inside of ourselves. Very similar to doing something daily that we know is not so healthy for us, but yet we do it again and again and again. It takes much more than an intellectual understanding to make a change, but that's where the process begins to detoxify our life.

Be open to your good day

Working with Negative and Manipulative People

"I really try to avoid people who are negative and manipulative.......just don't need that... "

I understand what you say about negative and manipulative people. The truth is you can never rid yourself of those people. Especially, in a city where there are people wherever you go and all around you, but also in rural communities or even living in the woods.

People are only negative and manipulative because they do not know any better. The key with working with negative and manipulative people is to not get caught up in their ignorance, their lack of self-knowledge. How do I do this? By getting rid of my attachment and expectation for these people to do any different.

People are manipulative because they think that you have something that they don't have, and they will do anything to get it. That's what truth can create in one's life. People trying to swoop in and tear it out for themselves. They do not see the truth as being within their life right this moment.

That is why we should be open with our current version of the truth, because it isn't truth at all. It's our best effort right this moment, and it's all we have to offer ourselves or anyone else. The only way to get at the truth is to ventilate it.

There are moments when it becomes problematic and even dangerous to work with negative and manipulative people. Recently, we had a severe short circuit of our approach. What happened was we attempted to run away from someone. In the act of running away, we neglected to consider what we were running towards. That's what happens when we get attached, we suffer. We could not handle someone being a human being, and we wanted to get away from that person.

In these more difficult moments, do not run. If you feel as if you must run, there's too much of yourself involved in what's going on with the person. Take a moment to realize that their issue is not your own. Sometimes, there are no answers for a person who is not open to answers. We must allow a person to do something different. If we do need to escape due to our incomplete understanding and patience, do not jump into the next available person or situation. Realize that we allowed ourselves to get caught up and not get caught up with someone or something different in the next moment.