Making decisions is a critical part of our lives. Yet, we spend little to no effort in the decision-making process in daily life. Applying minimal added consideration to everyday decisions could yield transformative results in our lives.
Occasionally, we are faced with more difficult decisions. Decisions become increasingly difficult when the array of options available accompany predictable, direct and immediate consequences and inaction sustains stagnant pain and suffering.
In even the most mundane of decisions, there are unintended consequences that are possible to probable to predict. For example, the mundane decision of what to eat. We really do not know if what we’re going to eat is going to make us sick; it is always possible but mostly improbable.
With eating and then becoming sick, it is fairly easy to connect cause and effect; mostly, we do not properly connect the two in our lives. When we examine the interaction of physical objects in experiments, it is easier to delineate cause and effect. It is not as simple while exploring cause and effect in human interactions. Here we’re moving away from the day-to-day decisions of what to eat and into the broader life decisions of what to do and how to be.
Attempting to connect cause and effect can go terribly awry. This is especially true with our feelings or emotions. Emotions are not something that can be injected into us by others or by experiences. We have a set of emotions that our experiences trigger and bring to the surface of consciousness. These feelings are not caused by anything or anyone yet many blame external forces for the way they feel.
This is why the endeavor of unraveling cause and effect in our life is a very intense and nearly infinite process. If we truly believe that a cause and effect exists, we should thoroughly challenge that connection and remain open to being mistaken about it. This means being open to information that does not support our current view.
Wednesday, April 20, 2011
Monday, April 18, 2011
Consider This: From Help to Truth
These people out there need our help, not in convincing them of our truth, but of convincing them of their own.
Sunday, April 17, 2011
The Pitfalls of Bridging Disagreements
Disagreements happen whenever human beings interact. These disagreements naturally develop due to perception governing reality as opposed to reality governing perception. Sometimes, disagreements are obvious; other times disagreements are hidden to one or all parties. Bridging disagreements is a highly precarious endeavor as all people respond and perceive differently.
We must carefully examine the audience, the histories and the capacities of all involved to develop the most effective, efficient bridging action(s). Even if we consider every aspect of the disagreement and the people involved, the pitfalls in bridging these disagreements are numerous.
Rational Arguments
Using rational thinking to persuade someone of our good intentions and past good acts is a common post-disagreement step for many. However, people in a post-disagreement state of mind commonly are not rational whatsoever. Irrational people are rarely going to be swayed by rational arguments. In fact, a rational argument in this case usually strengthens the feelings of disagreement and can increase the longevity of the situation.
Withdraw/Retreat
Retreat is sometimes necessary immediately after the disagreement has taken place. However, returning quickly to normal behavior and normal treatment can be crucial to a quick bridge through and out of the disagreement. This is especially true if the other side is in full retreat. Denying your input & action is only going to intensify any retreat by the other side. Restarting the relationship with the familiarity of good intentions and in an open-ended way can remind someone of previous good acts. This can quickly bridge the gap between.
Leaving irrational, inexperienced people to figure this out on their own is like placing the inmates in charge of the asylum. The likelihood of irrational thinking becoming rational acting is like an alchemist turning iron into gold, highly unlikely.
Retaining Mindset of Being Right
Oftentimes, all a person need do to bridge a disagreement is a simple acknowledgement of how our inept action led to real or perceived harm. Regardless of our intention, sometimes the party our actions are directed at cannot accept those actions. In fact, the other person might be reacting to internal fears of being mistaken and not the concern or the good will being shown. In repairing the relationship, we must not get caught up in being right or being seen as correct. If apologizing is all the person requires to let go of their own fear or their own role in the disagreement, how could we not offer that without reservation? The goal is to bridge the disagreement, not to be right.
The outcomes can be potentially disastrous when we let others’ actions dictate our involvement. Certainly, we must remain open throughout this process, as conditions can change quickly. Avoiding these common pitfalls is a constant struggle in navigating the difficult circumstances of disagreement. If we continue forward with the relationship, remaining focused on our good intention and remaining open-ended in that intention, we will persevere. We need only be on both sides to do so.
We must carefully examine the audience, the histories and the capacities of all involved to develop the most effective, efficient bridging action(s). Even if we consider every aspect of the disagreement and the people involved, the pitfalls in bridging these disagreements are numerous.
Rational Arguments
Using rational thinking to persuade someone of our good intentions and past good acts is a common post-disagreement step for many. However, people in a post-disagreement state of mind commonly are not rational whatsoever. Irrational people are rarely going to be swayed by rational arguments. In fact, a rational argument in this case usually strengthens the feelings of disagreement and can increase the longevity of the situation.
Withdraw/Retreat
Retreat is sometimes necessary immediately after the disagreement has taken place. However, returning quickly to normal behavior and normal treatment can be crucial to a quick bridge through and out of the disagreement. This is especially true if the other side is in full retreat. Denying your input & action is only going to intensify any retreat by the other side. Restarting the relationship with the familiarity of good intentions and in an open-ended way can remind someone of previous good acts. This can quickly bridge the gap between.
Leaving irrational, inexperienced people to figure this out on their own is like placing the inmates in charge of the asylum. The likelihood of irrational thinking becoming rational acting is like an alchemist turning iron into gold, highly unlikely.
Retaining Mindset of Being Right
Oftentimes, all a person need do to bridge a disagreement is a simple acknowledgement of how our inept action led to real or perceived harm. Regardless of our intention, sometimes the party our actions are directed at cannot accept those actions. In fact, the other person might be reacting to internal fears of being mistaken and not the concern or the good will being shown. In repairing the relationship, we must not get caught up in being right or being seen as correct. If apologizing is all the person requires to let go of their own fear or their own role in the disagreement, how could we not offer that without reservation? The goal is to bridge the disagreement, not to be right.
The outcomes can be potentially disastrous when we let others’ actions dictate our involvement. Certainly, we must remain open throughout this process, as conditions can change quickly. Avoiding these common pitfalls is a constant struggle in navigating the difficult circumstances of disagreement. If we continue forward with the relationship, remaining focused on our good intention and remaining open-ended in that intention, we will persevere. We need only be on both sides to do so.
Tuesday, April 12, 2011
Wednesday, April 6, 2011
Attempting Understanding In Darkness & Light
We all have a tendency to see all people in terms of darkness & light, for & against, and attachment & aversion. This sets us up for emotion-based reactivity which can create an abundance of unforeseen and avoidable consequences.
When we see things as darkness or light, you look for darkness in anything seemingly good and wholesome. That darkness is yourself; it's your own shadow. In something that is good in our life, we always look for why it's not so good. Once the enamour phase is over, we will find a reason why we must extract that from our lives.
This enamour phase is very alluring. Everything about it is done up in lights and delightful sounds. Orchestras sound great when they play together after practicing very hard. When they are just practicing it sometimes is not so pleasant as the end product. We can put little bitty sparkling lights on anything to make it look better, but has it changed what's underneath those sparkling lights?
Those parts of another person that seems to not fit with us should be thoroughly explored. Insolubility is part of being an individual, but that insolubility is our stubborn attempt at holding onto our view of "me". It is not easy to imagine that all the billions of people on this planet have had a host of their own experiences seen from their own perspective. They may not see what you see so easily; we may not feel what they feel so readily. However, the connection exists.
Nothing can separate us from other people except our mind. So, when we discover attributes or behaviors of others that seem to not coalesce or flow with all of our attributes and behaviors, it is our duty to unravel the perceived differences.
This is called attempting understanding. The more we attempt to understand, the more we will be able to understand.
When we see things as darkness or light, you look for darkness in anything seemingly good and wholesome. That darkness is yourself; it's your own shadow. In something that is good in our life, we always look for why it's not so good. Once the enamour phase is over, we will find a reason why we must extract that from our lives.
This enamour phase is very alluring. Everything about it is done up in lights and delightful sounds. Orchestras sound great when they play together after practicing very hard. When they are just practicing it sometimes is not so pleasant as the end product. We can put little bitty sparkling lights on anything to make it look better, but has it changed what's underneath those sparkling lights?
Those parts of another person that seems to not fit with us should be thoroughly explored. Insolubility is part of being an individual, but that insolubility is our stubborn attempt at holding onto our view of "me". It is not easy to imagine that all the billions of people on this planet have had a host of their own experiences seen from their own perspective. They may not see what you see so easily; we may not feel what they feel so readily. However, the connection exists.
Nothing can separate us from other people except our mind. So, when we discover attributes or behaviors of others that seem to not coalesce or flow with all of our attributes and behaviors, it is our duty to unravel the perceived differences.
This is called attempting understanding. The more we attempt to understand, the more we will be able to understand.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)