We are amazing creatures. Our essence is truly good. Not a dualistic good, but inherently so. Years ago, I realized I had been mistaken my entire life. I had to do something about it. This is that something. It takes much concerted effort to change our lives, but once we choose to do so and continue making that choice with every breath and every step that we take, that is the essence of transformation. There are countless opportunities every day, and we are blessed to be in this together.
Tuesday, July 14, 2015
The 'At Peace' Killer
We should never measure a human being against a memory we have concocted in our minds. By doing so, we've created the self-fulfilling prophecy of no one measuring up ever. Too often, the memory we cling to of someone in our past isn’t reality-based. We either focus primarily on the positive or the negative memories and attributes as opposed to the breadth of experiences that we have had with that person.
Our minds are both imaginative and creative as well as stubborn and ignorant. We can use them against ourselves as well as others simultaneously. There are other options. Chances are we’ve experienced mistakes, missteps, or traumas within and out of relationships and friendships; perhaps, we are widowed. Learning from our past is beneficial; becoming fixated on it is problematic.
However, we’re all works in progress.
Anyone who thinks that working on themselves can't coexist with working on a relationship is likely never going to achieve either objective. I’ve heard people claim that they must be ‘at peace’ with themselves or become ‘stable’ before they can do anything with their lives.
What does being 'at peace' with yourself or becoming ‘stable’ even look or feel like? When you achieve that will you be static or dynamic?
Why are we trying to define ourselves? Trying to put ourselves in a box or a cage sounds a great deal similar to what we often attempt to do to others, does it not? Do you want to be quantified and tagged?
Just learn to be. Be aware. Be present. Be a mess if that's what we are today. If we're trying to not be what we are, we'll never be 'at peace’ with ourselves, whatever that is.
Self-awareness is a killer of bad relationships, and that is great news. It may not feel good in the moment, but embrace that feeling, learn to trust those feelings. Learn about ourselves and others by not ignoring our thoughts and feelings. Those thoughts and feelings are communicating something important to us about our environment and those within it.
By linking positive and negative labels to feelings and thoughts, we've embraced a brittle life, not just for ourselves but for all those we encounter throughout it.
People feel all sorts of feelings. People thinks all sorts of thoughts.
Being 'at peace' isn't about having it our way; it is about being okay with whatever comes about because of where we are, how we are and why we are.
Don’t let being ‘at peace’ or being ‘stable’ be the killer of your present.