We all have a tendency to see all people in terms of darkness & light, for & against, and attachment & aversion. This sets us up for emotion-based reactivity which can create an abundance of unforeseen and avoidable consequences.
When we see things as darkness or light, you look for darkness in anything seemingly good and wholesome. That darkness is yourself; it's your own shadow. In something that is good in our life, we always look for why it's not so good. Once the enamour phase is over, we will find a reason why we must extract that from our lives.
This enamour phase is very alluring. Everything about it is done up in lights and delightful sounds. Orchestras sound great when they play together after practicing very hard. When they are just practicing it sometimes is not so pleasant as the end product. We can put little bitty sparkling lights on anything to make it look better, but has it changed what's underneath those sparkling lights?
Those parts of another person that seems to not fit with us should be thoroughly explored. Insolubility is part of being an individual, but that insolubility is our stubborn attempt at holding onto our view of "me". It is not easy to imagine that all the billions of people on this planet have had a host of their own experiences seen from their own perspective. They may not see what you see so easily; we may not feel what they feel so readily. However, the connection exists.
Nothing can separate us from other people except our mind. So, when we discover attributes or behaviors of others that seem to not coalesce or flow with all of our attributes and behaviors, it is our duty to unravel the perceived differences.
This is called attempting understanding. The more we attempt to understand, the more we will be able to understand.
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